Puddles in the morning, puddles in the evening, puddles in the afternoon, I'm a puddle boy and she's a puddle girl, puddles podcasting, starting real soon.

Yo, welcome to puddles with Andrew Collin and to boy Andrew Collin aka dry dick aka poop hands aka 12 falls aka old gray balls aka 12 falls aka elbow skin aka weird thumbs aka sometimes I used to bite my toenails as a kid aka chicken skin aka turkey gobble neck face.

Thanks for listening, what's up guys, happy Thanksgiving coming up, gobble gobble mother fuck what a weird intro anyways, I'm got a great show today got Darren carp who actually is Andy Cohen's assistant is right hand woman she's incredible she's incredibly funny she's I honestly feel like she's going to be a very bad guy.

Big deal in the next five years of entertainment she's insanely talented she also has her own podcast called this isn't scissoring and yeah she's incredibly talented and I was so happy to have her on the podcast.

So yeah, I don't know if that's actually the name of her podcast I don't want to fuck this up I think it was scissoring something something scissoring let me look it up real quick scissoring Darren carp.

See scissoring scissoring scissoring isn't a thing I was way off I said this is scissoring I don't know anyhow.

So what's up guys, I am going to do comedy tomorrow in Tampa, Florida I don't know how I feel about it I saw the COVID cases are at like 10% which is insane.

I'm a little nervous to fly but I also have to pay rent for my beautiful apartment my studio that's a four story walk up whatever it's cool it's fucking dope.

I clean my room today I only clean my room my one room my studio tell you guys only clean up when you have dick or Regina coming over.

I feel like it is the best motivator on earth a good looking woman.

If I knew she was I would I would do anything to try to impress her especially the first time I feel like we all want to give a great first impression look if you date me by the 15th time you're going to probably find that I might have you know some napkins underneath the pillow maybe some soy sauce on the bed.

Maybe jar mayonnaise on my penis I mean you're going to find some dirtiness and man I'm going to show you who I really am but that first time you meet me you're like oh my god this guy's probably could have been a doctor if you just try it a little harder.

I have I was talking to someone recently you know my dad's a doctor and they're like you know why didn't you do that and I think about that often and I realized I'm dumb I'm not dumb I'm just not.

I could never I can memorize pretty good okay I just I could not handle the day in and day out of a doctor there is no way in hell.

I could be around sick people all the time people dying different skin diseases blood also my older brother tried to do it he tried to.

Do try to be a doctor she tried to be pre-med look I can't even think of it pre-med and he couldn't even he he had trouble with I think organic chemistry which I heard is very difficult.

And when he's so much smarter to me so I felt like if he couldn't do it there's no fucking way I could be a doctor now I could have worked really hard and price still not been a doctor I couldn't be a nurse I probably couldn't even be a doctor assistant.

I would I'd be lucky to file in a doctor's office or just maybe clean the bed pants I could maybe do that I could clean this shit out of a bed pan.

We got a great show like I said Darren Carp is here I'm going to read just one story from now on I'm just going to do one story and and this is a great story I love it thank you keep submitting your stories it's so nice that you do that.

It was my sophomore year of college and I was out with three of my sorority sisters hey out the gamma we had been slapped slapping the bag of sunset blush franzia franzia and at the end of the night decided to stop at Taco Bell I've never heard that term slap in the bag.

I guess that's a thing I don't know sounds fucking fire or litty facts I've never been a guy that could go can you imagine saying facts without like yeah yeah facts facts for sure facts fuck that we got back to the sorority house and ate our food and I was so drunk I accidentally ate my friends crunch wrap supreme it was my first crunch wrap supreme and it was amazing.

I bet your friend wanted to fucking kill you how pissed off are you when you're drunk and you ordered a perfect order and someone else fucking eat it you deserve to get stabbed in the face like if that was just a story that would have been enough.

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