Puddles in the morning, Puddles in the evening, Puddles in the afternoon, Lime of a puddle boy and she's a puddle girl. Puddles podcasting, starting real soon.

Hey, welcome to an episode of Puddles. It's your boy, a puddle boy, aka dry dick, aka poo pants, aka elbow skin, aka 12 falls, aka old gray balls, aka dry dick. Maybe I already said that.

It's been a while since I did the AKs. I got a lot of feedback. A lot of you were like, you gotta have the AKs where we're unsubscribing and it's like, okay, dude.

The only reason why I can do it is because I start off solo now, so I don't feel like a fucking complete dickhead doing it in front of someone that has no idea what it is.

I know that that's part of the attraction of it is that the uncomfortableness, whatever. Anyways, I did it for you guys. I'm in my new place. If you're watching on YouTube, I'm showing you. It's a studio. I'm in the East Village. It's the first time I've ever lived in New York City.

In the city city, other than when I first moved here, I lived on a couch for six months. I was 30 years old. I was like, I'm going to move to New York. I'm going to be an artist. I'm going to be a stand-up comedian.

So I moved to my buddy's couch and I thought I was only going to be there for a couple of weeks next year. I'm there for like, I don't know, four to six months.

And the one guy would leave to go stay at his girlfriend, so I would jump in his bed. But they kind of got tired of that. It's like, okay, you can't just take over a room.

But it sucks. If you've ever lived on a couch and chased a dream that's pretty much impossible, just know or you do know that how hard it is because your living space is, is the living room and your time is gone.

Whatever time you think you have is gone. If they want to fucking go to work at seven and watch the news, it's scoot your ass over. If they want to stay up until fucking three in the morning, it's fucking you can't lay down yet. It's hard. It is. It's annoying. But it was very nice that they let me live there.

And then I went and lived with someone that was a pussy waxer and that didn't work out because I couldn't afford the rent. Also, she wouldn't take the table down. So it was just a bunch of pubic hair in the kitchen and living room.

Then I lived next to a drug dealer named the king. And then I lived in, you know, you saw my other apartment for six years. That was a complete shithole.

So I'm here now and I'm so fucking excited. I'm living on my own. Yes, I'm 40 years old. And I'm fine. I lived on my own when I made all that money in real estate. And yeah, I'm able to live on my own from comedy money, which is fucking unbelievable.

That being said, it might run out pretty quick and I might be starting to go find me. So I don't have to go back to Bushwick.

But I'm so excited to be here. I just fucking sign up to my gym or change my gym location. I went to kinkos. I don't know. So I went to sweet greens. There's so much shit right in this area.

I'm just so happy to be here. Oh, be easier to get laid for sure. You know, no girl wants to go out to the middle of Bushwick. She's like, yeah, I'm visiting New York City.

I'm not visiting fucking 40 minutes outside where there's like homeless people throwing up on fucking random fucking heads. I don't know.

So I'm really excited to be here. I got all my shit set up. I went to the gym today. And dude, I saw I was coming back in two skateboarders. He's young kids.

They're probably like 23, 22. They were skateboarding. Maybe they were 20. I don't know. They were like, they seemed actually in college.

We're skateboarding and they skateboarded by this old man and the old man fucking elbowed one of the guys wanted it. It was like an Asian kid too. So it felt I didn't think it was racist.

But he fucking elbowed him. I just think he hated skateboarders. I don't know what that's called. I think a lot of older men hate skateboarders because you can only do it until you're 30 before you look like a complete idiot.

But there's nothing worse than like a 40-year-old that skateboarding. What a loser. Also, I would do it, but I can't Ali.

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