Hello everyone, I'm Jackie Shemmel, the creator of the blog, The Bitch Bible, and more importantly,

the host of this life-changing and incredibly insightful podcast.

Many of you would assume that I hold the head bitch title in most environments, but much too many

surprise. I am known as simply bitch number two in my family. So, who is this mythical bitch number one

you may ask? Please welcome my cousin and the biggest biatch, gracing the streets of Los Angeles.

Joana! Yay! We also have my grandma Gloria here, even though she doesn't want to be on it, so she's saying she's not

gonna speak. She's co-producing today. There's no way this bitch is gonna keep her mouth shut. She can't even watch a movie. She can't even watch a movie without

interjecting. She'll stand up and say, what a bitch! She can't even chew a bite without moaning or groaning. Watch me! Oh no! Jesus, grandma. Coming in real hot today. I thought that we should first

explain how we use the term bitch because I feel like it gets lost in translation and we use it in a different way than most

people. So, Jo, why don't you explain how we use the term bitch? It's a for sure a term of endearment. It's a positive thing. I think it's a total positive thing. If you're like the fact that I'm the number one

bitch and our entire family is like, it makes me queen. I'm bitch. I'm queen bitch. You're like Kate Middleton. Oh yeah, even better. If you're a bitch, you're just you're on fleek. All fleek. I can think of a million other names

that I would use if I really didn't like someone. Even horror, slid, all of those are all good things. I think so too. Like if I feel comfortable enough to call you that, it's a good thing. My grandma's the biggest

slut I know. She is kind of a slut. Can you believe these two? It's a good thing. Grandma, show us your tits. I'm gonna slap you. I think everyone in this office has the opportunity to see grandma's tits because I mean, first of all, they're huge. Yeah, what happened to me? You're all jealous.

Yeah, I have. Yeah, I have an ample bosom. I have an ample bottom. You're on jealous. So everybody's jealous of us. I mean, she meant of her. I'm pretty jealous of you. You're 84 and looking sexy. Sorry, I shouldn't have said your age. That was really good.

Baby blues. You're so hot. Hot slut. Joe, you're a new mother. Are you starting to like your son yet? I just started liking him about a few weeks ago. Beautiful. He's really coming into his own. He's so cute. He's so cute. And he's actually a really good looking kid. Thank God. He came out in 25 minutes. What would you do if you gave birth to a kid that maybe wasn't as good looking as you hoped? I've returned him immediately. Return to sender. It's crazy. Having a baby is

no joke. It's the craziest thing ever. And I'm in love with him. And we talk to each other. He's my best friend. You're being so likable right now. Let's talk about Gwyneth Paltrow. You love her, don't you? I don't love her. Can I just tell you what she said in an interview recently? She's annoying. She said that this is a quote. She is incredibly close to the common woman. What the fuck is a common woman, first of all? There's nothing common about her. That is nauseated.

She's close to the common woman. I go to TJ Maxx for discount olive oil. You know what? You know what? Actually, I'm going to school you right now. You know that glam squad app? No. Okay. Well, it's an app where you like go on and people can come to your hair and make up and she uses them. That's pretty common. Are you delusional? No, I swear to God. Oh, she has an app that gives her that's an app. It's amazing. Okay. I don't care. I think she's so wildly pretentious. I think Goop gives me anxiety. It's like, oh,

here's a kid-friendly recipe with for truffle infused macaroni and cheese with gold flakes for your kids. Available only at specialty stores or how about a new burp rag for $675 that's you vitamin C infused and I don't hate it like you do. Celiac disease. People hate her. It's crazy. I want to know if her husband's her husband's so hot. I think that things I would do to him if he or I were single. Actually, the things I would do to him if he were single. I mean, I don't care if I'm married. No,

he's with Jela. Oh, see, that makes me love him even. I know because I really like her. She's amazing. I know she's young and she's cute. He's for sure on circumcised. Why? Because he's English. He's also a Jew. Is he? He's a Jew. Yeah. Oh my God. He's a lot. And you know, he wasn't born Jewish. So he had to make the culture. Coldplay. Chris Martin. He's very sexy. Very handsome. In like kind of a jurboly-like band kid way, which I like. How old is he?

Eight. I'm gonna guess. 38. I play his music every night before Julian goes to bed. Oh, you let him low your child sleep before I bathe him. Grandma, what do you think about Gwyneth Paltrow? How do you feel about her? I don't care about her. I really don't care too much about her. She just like, she goes out of her way to be pretentious and it bothers me a lot. Like, oh, let's create a luxury lifestyle site. I mean, let's just be as annoying as possible.

I am say this all the time. I don't really keep up with the news. I don't like current events. The Joneses. I don't keep up with the Joneses. Like Nini Leaks. I do not keep up with the Joneses. I am the Joneses. That's a vintage tagline. This new story I saw online and I was really, really excited about it. So this happened in China where a lot of shit goes down. I love love the Chinese. A guy's girlfriend and an ex girlfriend jumped in a river together to see the world.

I think that's pretty genius to be perfectly honest. You're putting your life at risk. I would do some weird shit like that. I'd be saved who the girlfriend is. He saved the current girlfriend. I apparently liked the ex was stalking them and he was in a new relationship. So the genius thought it would be an amazing idea to kind of meet up at a public place. And then the ex girlfriend trying to make a grand gesture just through her body into a river. If he would save, if he would save,

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