Presidential Fuck Machine, Abraham Lincoln: Emancipator of Tight Assholes
Distorted View Daily
Tim Henson
4.8 • 1.1K Ratings
🗓️ 10 November 2025
⏱️ 66 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
On Today’s Show: Tim opens with a fresh intro explaining why you’re getting a classic instead of a new show: We then jump back to Tuesday, March 8, 2016, Sideshow-era Sextastic Tuesday. Opening / Twitter & Period Blood Diva Cup Slam Poetry Sextastic Clips: Tourette’s & Teeny Peenies Sextastic Story: Abraham Lincoln Presidential Fuck Machine […]
The post Presidential Fuck Machine, Abraham Lincoln: Emancipator of Tight Assholes first appeared on Distorted View Daily.
Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | Hey, freaks, Tim back here to introduce a best of show. Yeah, I know, it sucks. I'm sorry. |
| 0:05.8 | Let me just tell you what happened here. Let me explain myself. Of course, many of you freaks know |
| 0:10.8 | this past weekend I went up to visit my mom in Ashtabula, which is about, you know, four or five hours |
| 0:16.9 | away. Over the past few months, I've taken many, many trips. And I have a leased vehicle. |
| 0:23.9 | So I was racking up a lot of miles and I was kind of getting concerned. So I rented a vehicle this |
| 0:29.8 | time to go up to Ashtabula. I've done it before. Smooth sailing, right? Well, this time on the way |
| 0:35.8 | back down to Cincinnati, I kind of got stranded, |
| 0:39.8 | was having some car issues. And that resulted in a five-hour layover. Ultimately, nothing was |
| 0:48.8 | fixed on this car. So I had to go find an enterprise, you know, the car rental company, right? |
| 0:56.4 | And I went to this location and they're like, I hope you're not coming for a car. |
| 1:01.7 | It's like, that's your business. |
| 1:03.3 | Yeah, yeah, I'm here for a car. |
| 1:05.5 | She's like, we're completely out. |
| 1:07.4 | I've got nothing. |
| 1:09.3 | And she's like, I explain my situation. And she suggested I go to, because like, of course, you know, I'm driving home on the weekend. These enterprise, these car rental places close early, right? Like 2 p.m. if you're lucky. A lot of them are closed, right? |
| 1:30.1 | So she's like, you know what ones are open 24 hours? |
| 1:31.7 | The ones at the airport. |
| 1:36.2 | You could go to the Cleveland Airport or the Akron Airport. |
| 1:37.8 | I'm like, holy shit. |
| 1:39.5 | This is my weekend. |
| 1:42.0 | The car that I was using was messed up and so all I could |
| 1:44.2 | do was try to get the car |
... |
Transcript will be available on the free plan in 9 days. Upgrade to see the full transcript now.
Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Tim Henson, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.
Generated transcripts are the property of Tim Henson and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.
Copyright © Tapesearch 2025.