The following podcast is a deer media production.

Hello everybody and welcome to the Bitch Bible podcast. I'm your host Jackie Shimmel currently.

I have an autarpop squeezed in between my butt cheeks because I'm afraid I have anal fizzures.

I remember a girlfriend telling me six months ago that at the end of my pregnancy I would develop

little anal colonies and it sounded problematic. It didn't sound real. It sounded dramatic to me

as someone who has never had anal colonies and is pretty vocal about not loving the term community.

I'd like to retract that because I now have allegedly some type of hemorrhoid community in my

butt hole. Unconfirmed just a feeling. If this voice, my voice sounds unfamiliar to you because

you're used to me screaming and listening and braining. You know all the bells and whistles I

need you to buckle the fuck up because this is Jackie Shimmel's scary voice and this is reserved

for moments of extreme pressure, trauma, psychosis, etc. Now contrary to popular belief, when

shit hits the fan, I don't get chaotic. I don't get frantic. I don't lose my cool. I click it in

with the focus of a feline and I dial it all the way back so that I can be as clear as sterile and as

scary, oh scary, as humanly possible because I have such minimal energy and brain power left

that I need to be very, very specific and visceral with my words and my actions and my intentions.

So this episode will be the scariest Jackie Shimmel that you've probably ever heard because there

are no tricks. Okay, there's no sticks and there's no tricks. This is a woman fighting for her

asshole. Okay, and her electrocution vagina. I have two weeks on the clock left till my due date.

I was told to be prepared to go a little early. He's a big boy. I like to think he's holding the

majority of his weight in his penis because I'm a monster. But we just don't know. Every day

truly is a winding road and I am, I have entered the portion of the pregnancy where I don't care

about anyone or anything. To make matters worse, my father has invaded my home. He is currently

...