Hi, welcome to POVU and my therapist, the podcast where I vent you listen and you do not get paid.

This is such a weird moment for me right now because I genuinely did not know when I would start the podcast up again.

I had had such a... What is the word? I had had such a, who, what is the word? I had had such a complicated relationship with the podcast,

and it was all, it was my fault. It was my fault. I ended up burning myself out when it comes

down to the pod because I just did not enjoy it. I put a lot of stress on it,

and I think because of that, I just stopped liking it. I, as many of you guys know,

it's been really hard for me to find a job. It's been hard for me to find something full-time,

something consistent. That has just been difficult. I don't know what is going on,

but I have never felt like such a loser in life ever than I have in this time in my life.

So because of that, one of my only sources of income was social media and the podcast. And there is so much you cannot control

when it comes to social media and when it comes to podcasting. I might have a week where for some reason

all, like a couple thousand of you decide that, oh, we're going to listen to this podcast this week.

And I have a really great week.

And I might have another week where literally five of you decide you're going to listen. And it gets to the

point where, like, you're putting in a lot of hard work. You're adding a lot of pressure to yourself

because you got bills to pay. Okay? And you, you're just stuck. You're just stuck. You want to do better, but I'm the

kind of person that when I put too much pressure on myself, I crack. I crack. And I, I start

revolting against myself. And I'm like, no, I'm not going to do socials. I'm not going to do the

podcast. I don't have anything to talk about. Nobody wants to hear me talk about this stuff.

And to an extent, like, I still feel that way, but I think a bigger part of it was finding

purpose outside of the podcast and finding something that I enjoy doing outside of the podcast. What that is,

we're still figuring it out. But I have goals that are not, that have nothing to do with the

...