Patrice O’Neal Destroyed Me | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

2 Bears 1 Cave

Comedy, Society & Culture

4.7 • 23.6K Ratings

🗓️ 15 June 2026

⏱️ 76 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

SPONSORS: Look for American Dew limited-time packaging or find it in stores near you at https://mountaindew.com Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/bears For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/BEARS Sponsored by BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% off at https://betterhelp.com/bears If your revenues are at least in the seven figures, get our free business guide, Demystifying AI, at https://www.netsuite.com/bears New DraftKings customers, sign up with code BEARS spend five bucks to get two hundred in rewards within 21 days. https://dkng.co/bears This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer celebrate Por Osos landing in Publix just in time for the 4th of July, which sends Bert into a full nostalgic spiral about pub subs, boat days, and taking his daughters into "international waters." From there, things get historical, the bears break down the story of the guy who invented the meter and got guillotined for it, which leads them down a rabbit hole of people killed for their big ideas, the French Revolution as the original cancel culture, and Martin Luther versus the Catholic Church.Then Bert tells stories about his relationship with the late Patrice O'Neal: getting destroyed at his first open mic, the Edinburgh trip where they lived together for 29 days watching Bruce Lee movies and Bert getting his feelings systematically demolished, and the moment he found out Patrice had tweeted something kind about him right before the stroke. Tom and Bert also spiral deep into funeral planning, who's required to show up, who gets a Sandler video instead of a live appearance, why Ari's funeral is going to involve hardcore Brooklyn relatives and a lot of confusion, the Andrew Schultz balloon clown apology Bert wants delivered posthumously, and whether or not to get cremated when science might figure something out. Plus: horror movies vs. comedy movies as investments, the film Obsession and its director Curry Baker, Bert's dad crashing the podcast mid-funeral conversation, the band Goose vs. the band Geese, and Mount Joy watching Passion of the Christ on the tour bus. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 331 https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://www.bertbertbert.com/tourhttps://store.ymhstudios.com In Partnership with DraftKings. The Crown Is Yours. Bet with DK Sportsbook: Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER, 1-800-MY-RESET. New York: call 8778-HOPENY, text HOPENY. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit https://CCPG.org . On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. Twenty one plus. Void in Ontario. Event contract trading with DraftKings Predictions involves risk of loss. Sportsbook Bonus bets expire in seven days. $50 in Predictions Dollars issued weekly for three weeks, expire in one year. Redeem one non-withdrawable reward. Availability varies. Predictions offer void in New York. Ends June 28th. Terms at http://dkng.co/audio Chapters00:00:00 - Intro00:02:21 - Por Osos in Publix & Florida Pub Sub Gospel00:08:45 - The Daniel Boone Documentary00:18:51 - The Guy Who Invented the Meter Got Killed for It00:24:59 - People Executed for Big Ideas00:33:46 - Patrice O'Neal Destroys Bert at His First Open Mic00:41:27 - Showtime Special, Party Bus, & Patrice's Funeral00:48:31 - Funerals Vs Celebration Of Life00:57:00 - Nick Kroll, Andrew Schultz & the Balloon Clown Apology01:04:11 - Bert's Dad Chimes In01:05:54 - Noga Erez, Goose Vs. Geese & Mount Joy01:09:02 - Curry Barker's Obsession & Horror vs. Comedy Movies01:15:10 - Wrap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	100%
0:01.2	So good to see you.
0:06.3	Good to see you.
0:07.5	That's a great story you told me.
0:09.1	That's one of the best.
0:11.2	It's Leanne.
0:12.5	Yeah.
0:13.4	I've never enjoyed my wife more than when her come comes out.
0:18.6	It's a nice way of saying that.
0:56.2	Bleep that so that we don't get flagged. But it's when she turns into a full-blown bitch, it's my favorite, to other people. Right, not to you. Not to me, I hate it. Yeah. But when she does it to other people, and she does it to me so often, yeah, that I'm almost numb to it. black people don't hear their fire alarms going off. Do you mean smoke detectors? That's it. Do you think that's... People at dinner go, are you not noticing the bitch going off? I go, oh, I'm numb to it. I'm so sorry. I'm so used to this. Yeah, I remember my dad, like, when we were growing up, my mom would be like such an asshole.
0:58.7	And he would be so unfaced.
1:03.1	And you'd be like, hey, man, like, are you not clocking this?
1:04.0	He'd be like, what's that buddy?
1:07.7	And you're like, oh, he's completely disconnected.
1:09.2	He's zoned out of it.
1:09.5	Yeah.
1:27.7	And that's how he, that's how you survive. Yeah. He survived by not engaging it. It's got to be, I wonder if it's adjacent to like, smoke detectors. Like, and to like emotional abuse or a guy that cheats on his wife. Yeah, yeah. And then she just goes, what? It doesn't bother me. I have a great house. I'm used to it.
1:29.1	I'm used to it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
1:31.0	I mean, she does it so often.
1:31.8	Sure.
1:33.7	Yeah. Just, chirp.
1:43.0	I hope. I wish I could share the story with everyone of how my wife, the rescue dog that is my wife.
	...

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