Our Jeans Are High & Tactical | Your Mom's House Ep. 840

Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura

Tom Segura

Comedy, Relationships, Society & Culture, Tv & Film, Comedy Interviews

4.7 • 23.4K Ratings

🗓️ 17 December 2025

⏱️ 84 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

SPONSORS: - Exclusive $35 off Carver Mat at https://on.auraframes.com/YMH. Promo Code YMH - Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/momshouse - Go to https://Helixsleep.com/YMH for 20% Off Sitewide. - Use code YMH at https://monarch.com in your browser for half off your first year. Check your six, mommy! In this absolutely unhinged episode of Your Mom’s House, Tom and Christina suit up in tactical vests and announce a bold new YMH initiative: total-life preparedness. From flashlight stances to 10-second doorway scans, the leaders of the Mommy Militia learn how to navigate a world full of lurking threats, fire, danger, and of course… clowns. Shout out to Jason Fabus for the amazing sax intro (IG: @jasonfabus). Tom and Christina show off an impressive array of emergency gear (machetes, trauma shears, MRE pizza with 5,000 calories, brass knuckles, and a foldable murder-credit-card), before the two dive into more safety guy Larry Betz safety lessons, some prime examples of black romance, horny James Joyce letters, trench foot, some horrible or hilarious clips, some TikTok's, and then addressing the loss of a truly stacked inspiration. Stay safe. Stay ready. And never walk into a Chili’s without scanning the exits first. Your Mom’s House Ep. 840 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:12 - Farts & Safety 00:06:44 - Opening Clip: Restaurant Scan 00:16:40 - Clip: Safety Shaun 00:18:59 - More Safety Tips & The Perfect Neighbor 00:30:54 - Clip: Misgendered Meltdown 00:35:11 - Clip: Talk To The Butt 00:37:08 - James Joyce Love Letters 00:41:31 - Clip: Big Gay Clowns 00:43:59 - Madonna 00:47:03 - Clip: Headbutt Self Defense 00:48:46 - Horrible Or Hilarious 00:54:15 - Clip: Isolation Year 00:57:41 - RIP Mary Magdalene 00:59:16 - Clip: Pastor's Cool Advice For Women 01:04:38 - Fedsmoker Jr 01:09:05 - TikToks 01:19:38 - Final Safety Tips 01:22:01 - Closing Song - "She Got Tits" by Joseph and John Juarez Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome
0:02.0	Welcome to your mom's house
0:05.2	Think about cheese
0:13.0	Make your thoughts cheesier
0:15.2	Now add 100% chicken breast fillet
0:18.2	Chipotle sauce and amadea cheese melt
0:20.2	And it's giving the new cheesy chicken stack at McDonald's.
0:24.4	Did we mention it's cheesy?
0:25.9	Cheese.
0:27.9	Availments on the 4th of Jan, 2026 from 11 a.m.
0:30.2	Present participation may vary.
0:31.2	Subjects availability.
0:34.3	No, the fart, Mike.
0:35.5	What are you doing?
0:36.5	It's on your thing. Do you got a fart?
0:39.3	Come on, dude. Be a team player.
0:42.3	What are you fucking doing?
0:44.3	What are you doing?
0:45.3	You gotta do it. If you're gonna do it, do it right.
0:48.3	Wow, it's been so long, and you finally are back.
1:01.9	I'm so happy I had that on my vest.
1:04.4	Yeah, me too.
	...

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