I saw a penis this morning.

I was not ready to start the podcast. What? And it wasn't mine. And it wasn't Phil's. Who's was it? We've got some neighbours. Oh. They're gay. I think it could just be two men, just two friendly men living together, Dan and Phil for 16 years. Two men can just do that. And one of them keeps walking around nude in the morning. Yes. And every single time I'm stood over my sink making a coffee, it's just full wang straight in the window. And this has been happening for a week. And I feel like a goddamn pervert. But there's nothing that I can do about it. I have not witnessed this penis. I've just heard... You've seen the people.

I've heard tales of it.

I've seen the people. Yeah, because I lovingly make you coffee in the morning. Yes, I've just seen the tale. If you got out of bed earlier, you might be able to see the neighbour cock, Phil. I mean... The early bird gets the worm. Oh my God. You know what I'm saying?

But for real, how do we fix this?

Because I feel like I'm being disgusting

and I'm just trying to live in peace.

The thing is, you know, Oh my God. You know what I'm saying? But for real, how do we fix this?

Because I feel like I'm being disgusting and I'm just trying to live in peace. The thing is, you're not got the binoculars out. I'm not seeking it. It's right there. And you're making the coffee and he's just hanging it out. I'm starting to associate coffee with unsolicited dick. Is this what being a woman on a dating app's like? Do I confront them?

Do I walk up to them?

And I'm just like, put your penis away in your own home.

I think there's two things that we can. Is this what being a woman on a dating app's like? Do I confront them? Do I walk up to them?

And I'm just like, put your penis away in your own home.

I think there's two things that we could do. Yeah. One, we could put a sign in the window saying, we can see your knob. But then everyone on the street's going to think that. Oh, yeah. The postman's going to think that. and then we're going to have a real issue.

Other thing you could do, why don't you start making coffee naked?

Because then they'll see you.

It'll be like, oh, they can see us. I can see him. Assert dominance. Oh, no, you're saying just like, show them how visible your neighbors are. I thought you were saying, like, we're gonna have cocks at dawn, jewel. Whoever makes the other person more uncomfortable wins the right to privacy first thing in the morning.

Yeah. Phil, me and you have to do something real freaky

in the kitchen window.

Uh-oh.

It's gonna be all over the tabloids.

But I'm gonna get my kitchen back.

...