Opt Out Of Shrinking To Fit In
Black Girl Burnout
Kelley Bonner
4.7 • 764 Ratings
🗓️ 28 March 2025
⏱️ 18 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In this vulnerable and reflective episode, Kelley shares a truth many high-achieving Black women can relate to: she’s been hiding—and it’s been holding her back. She introduces the concept of the visibility wound, unpacks the connection between undergiving and burnout, and shares what’s changing on the podcast to support your healing in real-time.
💡 Today You'll Learn:
- Why the visibility wound runs so deep in our community
- The connection between undergiving and hiding
- What’s changing with the podcast (👀 hello new cadence!)
- And a preview of a powerful new free guide to help you start showing up fully
This episode is a loving truth-telling moment—and a call to begin practicing presence, visibility, and self-honoring in everyday life.
✨ Episode Highlights:
- 01:06 The Visibility Wound in the Black Community
- 02:44 Personal Achievements and Professional Background
- 05:18 Addressing the Visibility Wound
- 09:09 Changes to the Podcast Schedule
- 10:50 Upcoming Tools and Resources
- 15:07 Encouragement and Final Thoughts
Ways To Support The Podcast:
⭐ Leave a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts & Spotify (goal: 1,000 reviews!)
📲 Follow on TikTok & Instagram (@blackgirlburnout)
💬 Tag a Black creator, artist, or entrepreneur you’ve supported recently.
Stay engaged! Follow us on Substack: Substack
🎧 Share this episode with someone who needs to hear it!
👉 Let’s continue this conversation: What’s one act of reciprocity you’ve done this week? DM us or comment on our latest IG post!
Remember, support isn’t just about money. Visibility, engagement, and amplification matter, too.
- Want To Partner With Black Girl Burnout: sponsorships@blackgirlburnout.com
- Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code BGB for a great deal: www.happymammoth.com
Connect With Resmaa Menakem
Web:
- www.resmaa.com
- www.culturalsomaticsuniversity.thinkrific.com
- https://blackoctopussociety.com
- https://blackoctopussociety.com/subscriptions/
Instagram:
- @resmaamenakem
BGB Community Minute l Aline Lopes
ATTN: BGB Community In Dorchester (Boston Area) Massachusetts, we are happy to highlight an amazing upcoming play in your area. We need your help to support this event.
Note From Aline Lopes:
My name is Aline and I am a theatre company owner from Boston. Our productions are focused on stereotypes and taboos surrounding mental health that exist in black and brown communities.
About The Play:
The play's name is "The Many Faces Of The Strong Black Woman: The Dark Days", and we will be performing at the Strand Theater in Dorchester, MA April 4th and 5th, 2025.
The play is a part of a series of plays that displays different stories of black women maneuvering through the stressors of life all while trying to live up to the ideals held by the idea of "the strong black woman". The plays are meant to highlight the interconnectivity that exists between our biology and our race. The play displays some of the ways these factors impact us as black women living in the US. This particular play showcases what happens when all the members of a sisterhood are simultaneously struggling to manage their individual mental health status. The play focuses on the ways we interact with our inner circle and the world beyond when our mental health is suffering.
This production displays some of the dark ways we impact ourselves and those close to us when our mental health is deteriorating. The story is told through dialogue, dancing, singing and rapping. The production collaborates with local artists and works hard to use as much original local music as possible.
Where:
Strand Theater
543 Columbia Rd
Dorchester,, MA 02125
When:
Friday April 4, 2025
Saturday April 5, 2025
Attire:
Evening / Cocktail Attire
Time:
The play begins at 7pm - 8:30 (20 minute intermission). Afterwards there is a meet and greet with the cast. Coffee and desserts are served during this time.
Art:
We will also be displaying paintings and other visual arts pieces, from college and high school students in the gallery.
Purchase Your Ticket:
Learn More About This Organization
https://www.thecrewproductions.com/
#BlackGirlBurnout #OptOutOfStruggle #ReciprocityMatters #SupportBlackWomen
Our Sponsors:
* Check out Super.com and use my code super.com/credit for a great deal: https://super.com
Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands
Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | Welcome to the Black Girl Burnout podcast, Kelly here. |
| 0:16.1 | And I have a confession to make. |
| 0:18.7 | There's a truth I've been sitting with, and it's time I say it aloud. |
| 0:23.7 | I've been hiding. And it's been costing me. Not just personally, but professionally, spiritually, |
| 0:32.9 | emotionally. Even in spaces where I might appear confident and capable, there's been a part of me that stayed quiet, stayed small and slightly pulled back. |
| 0:44.7 | And here's the thing. I know I'm not alone in this. Because hiding isn't always about invisibility. Sometimes we hide in plain sight. It's when we show up, |
| 0:57.3 | but we edit ourselves, or we lead, but we don't let people see the fullness of our gifts. |
| 1:02.9 | We're high achievers. We achieve, but we shrink. To stay safe, to stay liked, to stay humble, |
| 1:10.6 | quote unquote. |
| 1:12.1 | I've been thinking about this a lot. |
| 1:14.1 | And just like last week I talked about the reciprocity wound that I think is in our community, |
| 1:19.3 | I also think this is something that I have come to understand is the visibility wound in our community. |
| 1:26.7 | It's deep. |
| 1:34.1 | It's generational. And it's something that so many black women carry, especially those of us who are high achieving, which is every single one of you listening to this podcast. |
| 1:40.3 | Most of us are black women taught to be excellent, but not to be too visible. |
| 1:46.3 | To be humble, but not too bold, and to work hard, but, you know, don't take up too much space. |
| 1:52.9 | I know for myself, I don't know that I would have ever said what I was doing was hiding. |
| 1:58.0 | But that is what it is. |
| 2:03.7 | When you overthink every sentence in a meeting because, don't want to be the aggressive one or you're out here underplaying your accomplishments because |
| 2:08.6 | you don't want to make people feel uncomfortable, when you don't post the story or idea that |
| 2:15.2 | you know might be really powerful because you're afraid it might make you too visible, |
| 2:20.8 | you're afraid you might get criticized. That's hiding. And as someone who's done every single one of the |
... |
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