On Fantasy, Focus & Feeling Betrayed (Listener Questions)
Sex Chat for Christian Wives
Chris Taylor
4.7 • 885 Ratings
🗓️ 29 September 2021
⏱️ 24 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
We are down one host with Chris out today, but Gaye, Bonny, and I are here to answer your questions. If you have a question that you'd like us to address, head to our website, click the Ask a Question tab, and shoot us an email.
While we cannot respond to all of your questions, we try to cover a lot of ground and answer what we can. Be sure to go back through our older episodes as well to see if we might have covered a topic you're wondering about.
- "[My husband] continues to look at other women and images that are so easily available outside our home. My question is; Am I wrong to be upset by this habit? Are my expectations too high? How do I learn to trust when I feel so betrayed when I see him look? Do I need counseling to truly move past this?"
- "My husband and I have a great sex life… The problem is that I want sex with him AND I fantasize about other men too." AND "I have struggled in that last few years with other men popping into my mind during sex… I sometimes just don't know how to handle a quiet mind so random thing will try to steal my attention/make noise in my mind. Wondering how I can enhance my intimacy with mental focus."
- "I am definitely the lower drive spouse and I think it's mostly because I have so much trouble getting turned on. It takes sooo long and we don't have a lot of extra time with our toddler around. I am struggling the most with talking with my husband during sex… I feel like I'm grasping at that turned on feeling and any little thing pulls me out of it. My husband is very very kind, patient and wanting to do what I need but I feel like I can't quite do it and I feel like I'm letting him down. I want sex to be good but I can't get the communication thing down. Any tips?"
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From the Bible
I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me. - Song of Songs 7:10
Episode 77: How to Ask for What You Want
Episode 90: Getting Him to Touch You Where You Want
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Welcome to Sex Chat for Christian Wives. I'm Chris Taylor of Honeycomb and Spice. I'm Gay Christmas of Calm, Healthy, Sexy. |
| 0:09.1 | I'm Jay Parker of Hot Holy and Humorous. And I'm Bonnie Burns of Strong Wives. Come up your chair to our virtual kitchen table and let's chat. |
| 0:20.0 | Welcome back to Sex Chat for Christian Wives. |
| 0:22.8 | We are down one host with Chris out today, but Gay, Bonnie, and I are here to answer your |
| 0:27.9 | questions. |
| 0:28.8 | If you have a question that you'd like us to address, head to our website at 4Christianwives.com. |
| 0:34.7 | Click the Ask a Question tab and shoot us an email. While we can't respond to all |
| 0:39.6 | of your questions, we do try to cover a lot of ground and answer what we can. Be sure to go back |
| 0:43.9 | through our older episodes as well to see if we might have covered a topic you're wondering |
| 0:47.3 | about. Okay, ladies, how about we start with Bonnie? Which question did you pick? I picked this one. Hello, I'm new to your |
| 0:57.6 | podcast and I'm feeling validation and encouragement through it. My husband and I have been |
| 1:02.6 | struggling with trust issues for several years now. He struggled with what he calls soft porn |
| 1:07.9 | growing up and then into the first year of our marriage. He stopped searching for it |
| 1:12.3 | and placed safety measures to prevent it from coming up. However, he continues to look at other |
| 1:18.1 | women and images that are so easily available outside our home. My question is, am I wrong to be |
| 1:25.0 | upset by this habit? Are my expectations too high? How do I learn to trust when I feel so betrayed when I see him look? Do I need counseling to truly move on past this? There you go, ladies. What are your answers? Let me start with this. Is she wrong to be upset by this habit? And my answer immediately is no. She desires to have her |
| 1:46.7 | husband's focus on her. And that's a reasonable thing. Also, your emotion is your emotion. |
| 1:53.8 | I mean, she's just having emotional reaction. It's what you then do with your feeling upset and how you proceed from there. |
| 2:02.5 | So I just, I don't know, I think sometimes we beat ourselves up for our feelings when our |
| 2:06.3 | feelings are actually signaling something to us that maybe we need to think about why are we |
| 2:11.2 | feeling that way and what we can do about it. |
| 2:14.1 | And in this case, I would say there's some good reasons to be upset if he's eyeballing other |
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