You're human, barely. I'm a lawyer.

I know a lot about the lawn, various other loyarrings. I'm well-educated, well-first.

It's a thorny legal issue, alright. I'll need to refer to the case of Finders vs. Keepers.

Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony? Yes, you gave me a dollar and some candy.

And you have been said, well I told you to say, how can any of us trust you?

How can you be so sure? Because I was saying to myself, where could he be going?

I was saying to myself, where could he be going? Five to seven with that sawdust shotgun.

Welcome to Opening Arguments, a podcast that pairs a comedian with a real-life lawyer.

This podcast is sponsored by the law offices of P. Andrew Torres, LLC for entertainment purposes,

is not intended as legal advice and does not form an attorney-client relationship.

Don't take legal advice from a podcast.

Hello and welcome to Opening Arguments. This is episode 673. I'm Thomas.

That's Andrew Torres. How are you doing, Andrew?

I am amazing. How are you, Thomas?

Doing great, excited to be back on the four-show week schedule. That gives us more chances to talk about how shitty Alan Derschwitz is.

I thought it was possible that our listeners had forgotten my mentor.

And literally I cannot express the person who had the most influence on my views of what being a lawyer was like in my formative years.

Alan Derschwitz.

So remember how Alan Derschwitz now is Mike Lindell's personal lawyer.

And remember how Mike Lindell is the puppet master for Kerry Lake, the failed Arizona gubernatorial candidate Mark Finchum,

the failed Arizona Secretary of State candidate Mark Finchum involved in the fraudulent electorskim, Kerry Lake.

These are not just scumbags and insurrectionists. These are idiots scumbags and insurrectionists.

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