Not All Marriage Counsel is Godly | Marriage Wisdom Series

Established Family Podcast

Derek Palizay

Christianity, Religion & Spirituality

5.0 • 585 Ratings

🗓️ 10 January 2026

⏱️ 21 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Brought to you by ⁠The Marriage Academy⁠

A marriage will never rise above the level of counsel surrounding it.

In this message, Derek reveals one of the most overlooked causes of stalled, confused, and collapsing marriages: false, unconsecrated counsel.
Not every pastor is safe.
Not every therapist is God-led.
Not every friend, mentor, or church is spiritually alive.

And when the voices around your marriage are not governed by the Spirit of God, they don’t bring healing — they quietly pull you out of covenant.

Scripture tells us that plans fail without counsel, but with many godly counselors they succeed (Proverbs 15:22). But the Bible also warns that wisdom from below is earthly, unspiritual, and even demonic (James 3). That means not all advice is neutral — some of it carries spiritual influence.

In this teaching, you will learn:

Why a spiritually dead counselor cannot produce spiritual fruit
How false counsel becomes a demonic access point in marriage
What consecration actually means in Scripture
Why comfort is not the same as peace
How to discern between wisdom from above and wisdom from below
Why your relationships are either nourishing or poisoning your covenant
How unconsecrated environments sabotage restoration
Why deliverance, discipleship, and accountability are non-negotiable for growth

You were never meant to fight for your marriage alone.

You were never meant to heal in isolation.

And you were never meant to entrust your covenant to people who do not fear God.

The Hebrew word picture for counsel means “the hand that knows the hook.”

And when a marriage is under spiritual attack, there are hooks everywhere — in past trauma, in sin agreements, in false doctrine, and in emotional wounds. Without godly counsel, those hooks stay buried. With godly counsel, they are exposed and removed.

This is a call to consecration.

To be set apart.

To be purified.

To be surrounded by people who walk in truth, not comfort.

God is bringing you relationships that will not flatter your flesh — but will protect your future.

Proverbs 15:22

Proverbs 24:6

Proverbs 27:6

Isaiah 5:20

James 3:13–18

1 John 4:1

Leviticus 20:7–8

Romans 12:1

Hebrews 5:14

1 Timothy 4:1

Hebrews 12:15

2 Corinthians 3

Ephesians 4

Genesis 2:24

Transcript

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0:00.0	One of the most important aspects of growing a godly marriage is surrounding yourself with a multitude of counsel.
0:07.0	Counsel that you can trust, counsel that you can rely on, counsel that you know will lead you to the light when you are tempted to be in agreement with your flesh.
0:18.0	Counsel that you know that isn't afraid to encourage you, to refine you,
0:24.0	to comfort you, to exhort you, to know the difference between authority and gentleness,
0:31.0	to know how to use both. Or what we often say in the counseling room, knowing when to use oil and knowing when to use the rod,
0:41.2	not because they are condemning you, but because they desire what God designed for you and your spouse.
0:49.0	It takes someone who can see the promises of God over your life and who has a heart for discipleship.
0:59.5	But the challenge of being in a broken world is not all counsel is godly counsel.
1:06.5	We have seen far too many marriages that are led astray, that are destroyed, that have the final
1:16.0	nail put in the coffin by false counsel, by unsound doctrine, people who take the word of God
1:24.5	outside of context, either for leverage or just for what the Bible says,
1:29.7	which is to revel in their schemes and their wickedness.
1:35.7	You must desire to walk with Godly counsel.
1:39.8	The Hebrew word picture for counsel is the hand that knows the hook.
1:45.0	And when we are walking in marital destruction, there are hooks everywhere.
1:51.0	There's hooks in our history.
1:54.0	There's hooks in our current sin agreements, our behaviors, our patterns, our habits.
2:06.2	There are hooks in spiritual attacks against our marriage.
2:09.4	You weren't designed to do it alone.
2:12.7	You can't handle doing it alone.
2:25.8	If you don't have those around you who can discern good from evil, marriage restoration and marriage growth is not just unlikely. It's impossible.
2:37.0	And this is true regardless of where the council is coming from. You could have a spiritually dead church, a spiritually dead counselor, a spiritually dead friend, coworker, pastor, acquaintance, family friend, family itself. But Isaiah 520 says,
	...

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