Hey everyone, it's Alex here. You know, Alex Bell? No, you don't, because I'm never allowed on the podcast.

Anyway, Dan James, Andy and Anna have all gone home for Christmas, but I'm still stuck in the Kiwi office.

They've told me to edit together a best of 2014 episode for no such thing as a fish,

but screw them, I've decided to put together a worst of 2014.

So here's some of the most crude, inane and ludicrous nonsense they've come up with over the past year

that they never wanted you to hear. Enjoy.

We run it on Kiwi a few years ago, which was, there's no such thing as a fish.

You have no such thing as a fish.

No, seriously, it's in the Oxford Dictionary of Underwater Life.

It says it right there, first paragraph, no such thing as a fish.

Hello, welcome to another episode.

A no such thing as a fish, a weekly podcast coming to you from the Kiwai offices in Coffent,

garden, sorry.

It's coffent. I can't say it. Coffent, Coffent, Coffent.

Speaking of health and safety, this is not quite related, but there's a guy called

Helaaburbrick, he's like an eco warrior, and he tried to live in a cave in Brighton,

but then his cave got checked by the local fabricate and the council

saw an injunction banning him from entering it because it didn't have enough fire exits.

Just had one exit. Just one exit.

One big one. I think basically he's had like a running battle with the council because they

shut down his vegetable shop in 1999, but they shut it down even though he only had one customer,

a pregnant woman who bought his sprouts.

...