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Bitch Bible

No Rona No Problems

Bitch Bible

PodcastOne

Talk Radio, Comedy, Society & Culture

4.614.6K Ratings

🗓️ 7 July 2020

⏱️ 40 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Jackie has a brush with Covid 19, talks Kanye West's potential presidency and reminisces on vintage Real Housewives of Orange County.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

The following podcast is a deer media production.

0:14.5

Hey everybody! Guess you might have corona virus.

0:17.9

Me. I have had a brush with corona. I am currently waiting my results, so stay tuned for next week

0:25.2

to see if I am the COVID-19 homecoming princess.

0:29.0

Fuckin' kill me. Listen, uh...

0:32.9

I am not built for disaster. Okay. I have woken up every night, like around 3am, the witching hour,

0:40.9

and I start contemplating whether or not I can taste my water, and I start deeply inhaling all

0:47.2

of my candles to make sure that I still have my sense of smell and taste, and I'm on a downward

0:54.7

spiral. Let's talk about the 4th of July. A, I didn't really feel like celebrating this year because

1:00.0

I mean, Independence Day seems like a big crock of bullshit. So I'm getting ahead of myself here.

1:06.4

Let's just backtrack to my brush with corona virus. Now I have been referring to my father as

1:12.1

corona-neal for about three months now. You know, there is... there's a chip in my family that is

1:19.7

very lackadaisical. I tend to lean to the neurotic side, the neurosis, the mentally unstable,

1:26.2

my mother, um, and her genetic gene pool, genetic gene pool. Geniuses are real guys, but there's

1:32.2

something about my paternal side of the family that is just kind of easy, breezy, non-shelons,

1:39.9

that I just... it's... it doesn't run through me in the same way. I crumble in moments of disaster.

1:47.0

I'm not built for it. My digestive system implodes. I panic. It's all really adorable stuff. So

1:56.4

my father tested positive for corona virus last week while we were away with our close friends

2:04.8

and family. Now, on the same day, um, about 15 of us, we had all gotten tested prior to going away

2:13.7

for the weekend to celebrate my friend's birthday. So everyone got tested. Everyone was negative.

2:19.1

Um, I get a call on Sunday that my dad has tested positive for corona virus. Now, I had seen him

2:25.5

a week prior. So then I start thinking, holy fuck, maybe I took a test too soon and it's not in my

...

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