Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman Podcast. I'm Bill of Jesse Thorn. This week, no legume

to stand on. Emily brings the case against her cousin, Jess. When Emily was three, her

uncle chased her around a family gathering while wearing a Mr. Peanut costume. This traumatized

her. Jess was present at the event. She still sends Emily pictures and memes of Mr. Peanut.

She says it wasn't that bad. Emily wants Jess to stop because she still finds it upsetting.

Who's right? Who's wrong? Only one can decide. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the

courtroom and presents an obscure cultural reference. Since the inexorable logic of reality has created

nothing but insolvable problems, it is now time for illusion to take over. And there can only be one

illogical candidate, Mr. Peanut. Bill of Jesse Thorn, please swear them in. Emily and Jess please

rise. Raise your right hands. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the

truth so help you God or whatever? I do. Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling,

despite the fact that Vizini asked for no more rhymes now? He means it. I do. Judge Hodgman,

you may proceed. Emily and Jess, you may be seated. I am flummoxed by that cultural reference.

So we'll get into it for an immediate summary judgment. In one of your favors, can either of you,

first of all, tell me what Bill of Jesse was talking about. And second of all, name the piece of

culture I referenced when I entered the courtroom. Emily, let's begin with you. I don't know what Jesse

was talking about. Okay. Wait, you do? Oh my God. Okay. Doesn't mean that cousin Jess is going to win

the case. I should hope not. So let's just focus on this is the one that will determine the outcome.

Right. Any name the piece of culture that I referenced when I am to the courtroom? It sounded like

like Senator McCarthy's talking about something or other.

I'm sorry. Joe McCarthy. Senator Joe McCarthy. Andor from the Red Scare J Edgar Hoover.

Yeah. I'm not sure I did such a great impersonation job on that one. Okay. But the words

...