I'm Vivian St. Gash. Marcus Tate is off today at a court-appointed mandatory sex offender rehabilitation class.

So I'm back here to announce today's big deal on my own, on today's second day of the 12 days of distorted view savings.

Oh, it's gonna be a beautiful day today, and I am just so relaxed with Marcus being gone.

Did you know every time I would sit down on the couch over here, Marcus would do that thing.

You know that thing where a guy would place his hand, palm side up, right on the cushion, so I would sit down on it.

And then afterwards he'd slide his hand out and sniff his fingers.

I mean, that's the kind of sick shit he's been up to.

Not to mention what he's been doing to the poor interns.

Kim, Valencia, do you want to come over here and talk about what a monster Marcus has been?

Valencia, come here. This is Valencia. Valencia, what's your last name?

Garfield Heathcliff.

Really? Valencia Garfield Heathcliff.

Well, my full name is Valencia Bloom County Garfield Heathcliff.

Okay, well, what has Marcus done to you?

One time he poured pickle juice down my blouse.

Why, see, like, why would a guy do that? What's the point?

And he made me lick a dog's cock.

Jesus Christ, you should have led with that.

Way worse than the pickle juice thing.

And then I had to call up my dad on the studio speaker phone and tell him I wanted to get on all fours and have him incest me.

Marcus made you do that?

And he had me shoot a hobo.

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