Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm Bail of Jesse Thorn. This week,

Namer versus Namer. Josh brings the case against his wife, Jackie. They each kept their

respective surnames when they married. Should the kids take their mom or dad's last name,

combine them or take on a brand new appellation? Only one man can decide. Please rise as Judge

John Hodgman enters the courtroom.

This but thy name that is my enemy, thou art thyself, though not a judge. What's judge?

It is not hand, nor foot, nor arm, nor face, nor any other part belonging to a man.

Oh, be some other name. What's in a name? That which we call pie hole by any other means would be as

shut. Bail if, um, Tom is a Tommy. Whatever your name is Swearman. Please rise, raise your right

hand. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God

or whatever? Whatever. Sure. Uh, Josh, I'm going to need an actual yes. The choices aren't

swearing or saying whatever. The choices are swearing to God or swearing to whatever is

equivalent to God for you. I swear to George Carlin. Okay, and just remember it's Judge Hodgman's

job to be funny. Do you swear to abide by Judge Hodgman's ruling, despite the fact that he

presided over the name changing court case in which Kate Winslet's husband changed his name to

Ned Rockenroll? Very well, Judge Hodgman. Oh, I have tossed you guys the softest of soft

balls. That's a sport, right? Bail of Tommy? I'm sorry, I don't see a Bail of Tommy here.

Oh, I'm sorry, Bail of Jesse. What's in a name? What's in a name? Yes, guys. That is a sport,

Judge Hodgman. What's it? But what's in a name? Whether it's a sport or a Bail of or a child that

doesn't exist? What's in a name for an immediate summary judgment in your favor? Come on,

which one of you guys is going to step up to the soft balls plate and take this one?

I'm going to let my wife go first. That's not fair. Go ahead. Romeo and Juliet.

...