Hi, this is Janet Lansfury. Welcome to Unruffled.

Today, I'm responding to a parent who feels that her 16-month-old acts out more with her

than he does with his other caregivers and she's wondering if she's handling his behavior

and his feelings correctly.

So, here's the email I received.

Hi, Janet. First, thanks so much for your work. I've been trying to listen to your podcast

daily. I feel like it helps calm me and ground me to be a better parent.

I'm trying to parent using rye principles, but wondering if you have any guidelines to

gauge if I'm on track.

I'm a stay-at-home mom, and it seems like my 16-month-old acts differently with me than anyone

else.

This includes my husband, who's very involved in parenting. With me, there's just a lot

more crying and defiance.

For instance, diaper changes currently are a real battle. He screams, cries, throws his

head back.

I try telling him ahead of time that he will get his diaper changed, give him extra time

to play, and try to engage him during the diaper change by telling him what I will be

doing, and asking him if he wants to help by grabbing and holding the supplies.

He thrashes around so much that I have to let him go so as to not hurt him.

He often will cry and hug me, and then I will try again. This process can take 15 minutes,

and sometimes I just have to resort to a standing diaper change and chase him around.

When I leave him with my mom, she says she has no trouble from him during diaper changes,

...