Mortality, Melasma, Murray Hill

The Sarah Silverman Podcast

Lemonada Media

Comedy

4.6 • 4.7K Ratings

🗓️ 20 January 2022

⏱️ 44 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Sarah Silverman believes that so many things divide us, but what brings us together is a funny “shitting your pants story,” and Sarah has one to share!

Then, Sarah takes calls about her “cute voice,” she offers a caller some skincare advice, and addresses a unique custody arrangement called “bird nesting.”

Hear the call that brings Sarah great joy! And then, a call from a woman of color, that makes her clarify her previous comments on tolerance.

You can leave a voice memo for Sarah at speakpipe.com/TheSarahSilvermanPodcast.

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Treat yourself to more, deeper, fuller pleasure wherever you can find it as often as possible and you can start with a bottle of FORIA. Visit https://www.foriawellness.com/SARAH or use code SARAH at checkout.

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Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	Hi, everybody. It's your best friend, Sarah. And I just wanted to redo this. I was like,
0:20.0	I don't have anything to say at the top of the show. And then I got a text this morning,
0:25.0	really this morning from my friend in New York, Sam Cedar, an old lover of mine from the early 90s,
0:32.0	now currently my, like a brother to me. And let's see here. I got this text from him. And it goes.
0:46.0	Also check out, by the way, his podcast, the majority report with Sam Cedar, brilliant, brilliant, brilliant,
0:54.0	daily podcast. And this is the text I got this morning. And it goes like this every week day
1:02.0	morning, I walk to work. It's a 35 minute walk. And I love it. Last week I had watched a YouTube
1:08.0	Tim Ferris episode. And I thought I should start listening to him again. It's been years.
1:13.0	I saw you did an episode recently. So I figured I'd check it out. I'm walking down flat bush
1:18.0	avenue about 15 minutes from work, passing Barclay Center. And I am listening to you and waiting to hear my name
1:25.0	as I do, you know, whenever I tune into anything you're doing interviews, movies, photoshoots. And suddenly I am hit
1:32.0	with the strongest compulsion to shit that I've ever had in decades. I start to waddle down flat bush
1:38.0	frantically and make my way into the mall, a mall at Barclays, praying to find a toilet.
1:44.0	I am too focused on clenching my asshole so I don't shit myself to turn off your talking about Jesus's magic
1:51.0	and second guessing the audience. And I am racing through the mall, sweating behind my mask.
1:56.0	After I find that the McDonald's bathroom is closed, I make my way up to target, waddle to the bathroom,
2:03.0	grabbing at the button on my pants and got seven eighths of my diarrhea in the toilet.
2:08.0	All the while you were talking about SNL or basketball, it was a nightmare.
2:13.0	So anyway, you were on my mind, hope all is well.
2:16.0	So I'm dying laughing at seven o'clock this morning. And I text him and I'm like, can I read this on my podcast?
2:24.0	And he's like, then he writes, well, maybe change seven eighths to eight eighths.
2:30.0	And I go, okay, yeah, I'll say you got eight eighths of your diarrhea in the toilet.
	...

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