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Amy Schumer Presents: 3 Girls, 1 Keith

Money

Amy Schumer Presents: 3 Girls, 1 Keith

Amy Schumer

Comedy, Tv & Film, Society & Culture

42.5K Ratings

🗓️ 1 June 2019

⏱️ 32 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Amy and friends talk about having money and losing money. Jessica Seinfeld joins to talk about the GOOD+ Foundation which helps break the multi-generational cycle of poverty. She also talks about the possibility of turning into a cat lady when Jerry dies. Jessica’s cat, Javier, is up on this week’s Pound It or Pass. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0

Hey, how you doing? Hey, where you been? Three girls talking about a lot of love and sin. And there's someone sitting next to us who that freaking man is who?

0:14.0

Oh, it's Keith.

0:19.0

Welcome to three girls one Keith today. We're gonna talk about money.

0:27.0

Cash money. Can we have an honest real going around saying like the broken moment of our life where we knew we were the

0:37.1

broken just be honest about it? Okay, I'll start. Okay, well there's many but yeah, but when I was in college, I just started donating plasma.

0:46.1

And I just to buy like macaroni and cheese and stuff. I mean, I was at college. So I guess you can kind of expect that kind of behavior, but I did it many times.

0:58.1

How much would you get for that sweet plasma? Oh like 30 bucks. I think or maybe 18 I can't remember. And like a cup of juice and a cookie?

1:04.1

Yeah, I'm so like such a sissy when it comes to like blood and guts and all that. Always fainting, always passing out. But for enough money to go out and get myself a couple beers, it was worth it.

1:15.1

You know, if you do move back then the burgers I've ever been and needed money, I want to the bank with a roll of pennies and a bag full of pennies.

1:24.1

Oh, yeah. We've all been there. I mean, I had a big bag of pennies. Penny arcade. I got a bag for the bank right now. Some sweet coins.

1:32.1

Don't ball of pennies out. And a woman yelled at me. We don't set pennies here. Everybody.

1:40.1

Outstanding. Are you just spending off a woman at this time? Like, how are you paying?

1:46.1

I just got your number. He was living off that woman. You said you live with some woman for four years. Yeah, it's just because you got a nice apartment.

1:58.1

Absolutely. But the worst shame I have like, I live next to this pizza place. But when you have to start showing up with the dimes and the nickels to pay for your slice of pizza, oh, God, it hurts. But bad feel.

2:08.1

Well, you got to go to coin star. That's when you know things are going too good.

2:12.1

Enough you get a coin star. I'm going to estimate it. The number of coins that I bet you start like spending the money before you tell you have the coin star.

2:20.1

You're like, that's probably about $500 in there. Oh, yeah. I still feel guilty because I bounced a check for my friend's wedding.

2:30.1

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm doing that for your wedding. I had like $4.29 and $4.29 left in my bank account or whatever. And that's not even enough to take out, right?

2:44.1

Right. So what you do, you write a check to yourself, put it in there and you can take it out. That's literally a federal offense.

2:52.1

Oh, and Jesus said, loud, what are you doing? I'm trying. I don't want my friend to go to jail again. At one time I had to pay child support. And I want to jail for a good day.

3:05.1

Did a deadbeat. Jesse put you in this lamer? No, I wasn't a deadbeat. That I just wanted to jail because they made a mistake.

3:12.1

They said, oh, $30,000. Wow. And I went down there to get him straight. And then when I went down to the court, the judge like he called Este on the phone.

...

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