Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's the Monday morning podcast from Monday, May 16, 2011.

Another beautiful week in the month of May. Has the nice weather hit you yet?

Go outside, Cheryl. It's so fucking nice out. Oh my God, I was out there in my fucking flip-flops. I had on a wife beta.

My fucking left, it was hanging out right and I went down and went down to the fucking post office. I saw Kevin. I saw Mark.

I am beyond punch drunk. I am in the midst of a two week absolute fucking terror of a travel schedule.

Basically in 15 days, I have six flights. All right, I just paused there. So all my travelers out there could just go,

do what the fuck? Yes, six flights. Six flights. It was seven, but then something worked out where I stayed in extra day when I was shooting an episode of Glee.

I really hope you guys like my episodes of Glee because I was getting a little self-conscious with some of the shit that they were sending, making me wear, by the way.

And this is just an acting gig. This has nothing to do with me as a comedian. All right, so I don't want to hear, dude, your fucking sold out has nothing to do with my acting.

I mean, my stand-up comedy that I'm on that show. All I can say is I'm glad that I stopped boozing because I'm not going to say I was wearing a half-shirt,

but let's just say my shirt didn't quite reach my jeans. You know, the sizes went a little bit small over there. But anyways, anyways, yeah, we were shooting out and fucking New Mexico for this that that P.W. Hermit thing that we were doing.

The Mexican hat dance little little number there. This business is so fucked, right? So I basically last week I went L.A. to New Mexico, New Mexico to fucking Washington D.

C. and then back to L.A. X. And like an asshole, here's a little travel tip for all you peoples out there for those of you who don't follow me on Twitter.

When you fly into DC, do yourself a favor. Fly into Ronald Reagan airport Reagan. That's the one you want to fly into. Don't fly in to Washington, Dallas. Do not repeat.

Fly into Washington, Dallas. I don't give a fuck how much you save. All right. It's a fucking $60 cab ride. It's like it's, I don't know what to say. It'd be like if you were flying to New York City and you flew into Islip instead at five o'clock and hit fucking rush hour. I forget it every goddamn time I go to DC every fucking time.

And even as I'm landing, I'm going, yeah, it's kind of like a half hour cab ride. No. It's like a fucking 50 minute cab ride. That's with no traffic whatsoever. So do yourself a favor. Do that. Fly into Reagan. You come right in. God damn buzz the fucking White House.

You know, Federal reserves right down the street. And you land your right fucking there and everything is all good. But for the love of God, do not. I repeat. Do not go to Washington, Dallas. It is a motherfucker.

All right. Fly into Washington, Dallas. If you actually want to go to Philadelphia, that would be my suggestion. But other than that, it's a nightmare. So this week, I got the second half of that episode.

So this week, I fly L.A. to Mexico, Albuquerque, New Mexico, and then I fly Albuquerque, New Mexico to New York City. I do four days at Caroline's Comedy Club. And then I fly all the way back across the country on Monday.

All right. And then guess what? I'm fucking out in L.A. for a week. And then I'm on vacation vacation. Just like Axel fucking Foley vacation. I am on vacation. I'm getting my fucking Mumford fucking sweatshirt out and fuck everybody. I'm going on vacation. All right. I'm going up to a goddamn lake.

I'm putting my little tootsies in the fucking water. Hang in there with Nito. And my fucking dog. And I'm not doing shit. I'm going to go on YouTube, learn how to fish because I grew up in the goddamn suburbs. I don't even know how to do that.

So feel free to send me some emails.

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