A. What's going on? It's Bill Burr, it's time for the Monday morning podcast from Monday, April 24th, 2017. How's it going?

How you doing? How's your week? Oh, I'm sorry, the podcast is a little late. I traveled today. I flew back from Boise, Idaho, not Boise. Everybody doesn't ask in there. That's what I learned when I was up there. Boise. Idaho.

You know what's hilarious when we landed, when we landed it, you know that the fucking shooter, you know, on the plane, the shooter. I don't mean with the gun, because you can't get guns on the planes, unless you make one like what's his face there?

John Malkovich.

And that Clint Eastwood movie. What was it called? Gun.

Is that what it's called? You made like that little plastic gun till I get some goddamn respect. And he fucking hung up the phone.

No, this I'm not talking about a gun. The fucking the shooter, the guy, the wedge breaker. It's like the second they ring that little Bing Bong and you can take off your seat belt. Some guy from 12 rows back, like runs up to the front of the plane.

So of course he stops right on my roast and I can't get up and I'm looking at his dad jeans and he was wearing flip flops. All right, so I got to give it up to the guy. All right.

You know, to show that kind of quickness with like, you know, a third of a shoe on was, you know, it was impressive.

So this fucking guy who was in the row behind me diagonally across starts fucking chirping in his ear. It was like the fucking NHL playoff. So I'm like, are these guys going to drop the gloves?

I see him talking to the guy. See the guy, you know, the flip flop guy looking over his shoulder, right? It's basically a guy with really nice shoes and polka dot socks in first class.

Which is where I sit. I yeah, that's I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck from flying Las Vegas. I sit in the front of the fucking plane. That's just how I do it. All right. I spent 20 goddamn years in the back of the plane. I swear to God, I'm not going.

I just spilled the fucking tea all over the point of the what are the odds that I was put my wallet on the fucking string to the tea bag and then this shit just going to go all over the place. It's just I swear to God.

I'm having a hell of a like fucking four days here.

We got to think of a little country thing that can go wrong. You know, first I break my computer screen and then the tea bag comes out. I mean, Jesus Christ, that's going to take me at least 11 seconds to clean up.

Or I just kind of wipe it up with my sock. What a fucking animal. I just had a stop it from going down the side of the table. Don't judge me. So anyways, let's get back to the polka dot.

I'm not a socks. All right. Fucking gentleman worked his way up to the front of the fucking plane. Or maybe he was born into money. I don't know. I don't think this guy was because he was fucking all over this fucking animal with his flip flops.

It was coming up from, you know, the fucking the animal section of the plane where this guy deserved a bait. All right.

Telling you right now, you that should be your guy's goal in life. You got to get to the front of the fucking plane. And that that's not a metaphor. That is literally you have to get to the front of the fucking plane.

Unless you don't travel that often and just you know, suck it up. Who gives a shit. But if you travel all the time, you have to get to the front of the fucking plane.

And I'm telling you the only difference between the front of the plane and the back of the plane is they just they treat you like a human being. That's it.

It's not like it used to be where you know, there was fucking broads up there. And you know, they'd meet you in the Eastern Airlines fucking lounge afterwards. And they, you know, you have a like a fucking whatever the fuck happened in the 70s.

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