Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's the Monday morning podcast from Monday, April 21st,

2014, being recorded live on digital tape in the good ol' U.S. of A.

In my fucking bedroom. Oh, man, it's great to be back. Let me tell you. I'll tell you, I had a crazy flight coming back, yeah.

No, I am, I'm excited to be back. I'm happy to be back. I didn't want to leave, but you know, at some point you got to grow up. Right? Go back to work.

You know, put some food in a fucking brown sack.

Get into some fucking car that has a hatchback.

Inch you way into traffic. Can I go? Can I go? Thank you. Thank you. One person who cares.

You know, put on Jack FM. I'm sitting there in cries. They call songs that you thought came out two weeks ago. Classics.

Girl, been a long time since we been a pa-ha. That's the 40th anniversary. Get the fuck out of here.

Some metalheads gonna go, oh, actually, they came up 1981. Go fuck yourself. All right. Take off. You have Rob Helford, leather studded gloves.

And go clean out the garbage disposal. Right? Why did I say garbage disposal? Because that's what I think of when I think of those gloves.

Once they go all the way up to your elbows. You know, basically the glove form of superhero boots.

Anyway, this is the Monday morning podcast. If you're new to the podcast, welcome. Thank you for listening. I know you have your choice between mine and nine zillion other fucking podcasts.

I mean, at this point, I mean, you guys could all have a podcast. But why would you do that? Why would you do that when you could just sit down and listen to someone else attempt to do it? I don't fucking know.

Yes. So back in the United States and I had an unbelievable trip. You know what? Fucking story. I kept trying. I kept forgetting to tell you guys.

And I'm not still boring you with stories of about France, but I did have a fucking great time over there.

Which is an understatement. Anyways, I know like two weeks ago, I told you or last week I told you the story going to Omaha Beach and the American soldier cemetery over there and all that type of stuff.

And one of my podcast listeners sent me an email a couple months ago talking about how after he took the tour the next morning, he woke up early and went down to Omaha Beach when there was nobody there.

You know, maybe one guy with the dog in a frisbee, right? And he just sat there on the on the beach and smoked a cigar. And I was like, dude, I got a fucking do that. I got a fucking do that. So I got my cigar.

I take the tour and I got that big stupid Mercedes nine passenger bus that they rented me because I wanted a car one way. And as I've told you guys time and time again on this podcast, when you rent a car one way, you are getting the fucking ugly duckling.

The one that they can't rent out, you're getting the griswold family truckster. And that's what they gave me for two fucking people nine passenger, right?

So I wake up the next morning early, Nea is still sleeping. And you know, my phone is dead. And I'm not going to take her phone because I don't be like, why is it take my phone?

...