Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, December 25th,

2017. Oh, it's Christmas morning.

Oh, Merry Christmas to you, Merry Christmas to you, and happy birthday to Jesus.

Merry Christmas to you, Merry Christmas and happy birthday to you.

Oh, the lovely Neha, my lovely daughter, both wearing Christmas pajamas.

This is my first question. What in God's name are you doing listening to a podcast on Christmas?

My wife is already mad enough at me for doing one. Hey, gorgeous. How are you doing?

This is how I woke up in the morning. I was laying in bed and I felt, hi, I felt these little hands,

little hands, squeezing my finger. So I thought she was just sleeping just sort of like,

squeezing my hand or whatever. So I took the pillow off my giant head and I looked over and she was sitting up and I looked at her and she just waved at me.

I loved the way she was. We would joke and my daughter waves at you from like six inches away. She waves like she's on a luxury liner like cruise boat and you're a hundred yards away in the dock.

It's this giant wave like, hey, man, I'm right here. You got blueberry all over your face.

Anyways, Merry Christmas to everybody. You know, I was going to tease everybody about what are you doing? You know, that's funny. This is a tough time of year to be alone.

G bill, you really went in deep into your brain to figure that one out. Not only alone, then they got all these damn, they got all these damn songs that just make you feel worse about yourself.

You know, if your life stinks and you're sitting there going out, what have I done with my life? I pushed everybody away. I'm all alone. And as you're thinking that all you're here in the background as you're walking through the liquor stores just it's the most wonderful time of the year.

They got to update that right? Unless you're divorced and you can't see your kids because your wife is a con.

X wife, sorry. It's the most wonderful time of the year.

I do actually, you know, I am envious. This is when, you know, if you don't even care that you're alone today, you are a true loner. You are a first ballot, hall of fame or whatever, all the cliches, you know, Mount Rushmore.

I mean, one time I spent a Thanksgiving alone. And this is how deep and dark my life was. I thought it was hilarious. I wasn't sad for any moment during the day. I thought it was hilarious. I didn't have any turkey, any of the fixings, any of that stuff. And I actually, I called up this other comic. I think it was Ryan Dalton.

I was one of my friends from Cleveland. And I believe he just came over to my drab New York apartment and we just sat there getting shit faced.

You know, I just, I was in the point in my life. I was just so excited that I wasn't in a relationship. So there was no like, because at that point, I didn't even know how to be in one. So the fact that I wasn't in one and he obviously wasn't either. We both were ahead somewhere to go.

I just remember, I think that's why I was so happy because so many years, I was in a relationship that I just, I don't know, I just wasn't ready to be in one. And then I was sitting there going, oh, God, I'm meeting their family. And what am I doing? I got to get out of this thing rather than just relaxing and enjoying the moment. So I was actually in my comfort zone being all alone.

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