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Monday Morning Podcast

Monday Morning Podcast 10-31-11

Monday Morning Podcast

All Things Comedy

Comedy

4.832.8K Ratings

🗓️ 31 October 2011

⏱️ 64 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Posted in PodcastPlay AudioBill rambles about being lonely in NY, Free-basing, and Steeler Fans.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burn. It's the Monday morning podcast for Monday. October 31st, 2011.

0:09.0

I apologize. Podcasts up being so goddamn late. I recorded one yesterday. This is really becoming a theme every week.

0:17.0

I just apologized. These last couple of fucking weeks has just been brutal. I've been overseas. I've had those problems and this week I came back east doing the Jimmy Fallon show today.

0:29.0

I actually get to sit down and do panel like a big shot. Fucking tackle him. You can't. God damn it.

0:36.0

You're going to give up a fucking field goal right here at the end. Why would you ever bet money on the fucking San Diego charges?

0:43.0

Because anybody tell me what the fuck is wrong with me? Jesus Christ. Can somebody out there who has some sort of a football mind just explained to me the Prevent Defense?

0:57.0

Yeah, give him a 20 yard cushion. Yeah, there you go. Well, we don't want to give it all up. But what is wrong with this fucking?

1:04.0

Oh God, this is going to be one of these fucking weeks. You know, I already recorded a podcast. Joe sent me the file. It was two goddamn big. He's out for the night with the lady.

1:16.0

So now I have to record another one. You know, like like I have any funny left.

1:23.0

And now for some reason, these stupid chords are acting up. This is one of the I challenge you guys to find a podcast out there that has as many listeners as mine that is still this fucking pathetically low rent.

1:36.0

You know, I feel like I'm in like that band that's just never going to make it like, you know, we're 20 years in. We're still riding in a van like the Annville story.

1:48.0

It's just fucking brutal. All right, whatever. So you know what? You guys get two podcasts a week because when I'll twinkle toes, the teen idol sensation from the Opian Anthem program gets back from his hot little date with the little tall drink of water, that little number you met at the pictures.

2:06.0

I'll also post that one and hopefully that one will be a better quality than this one. Although I don't know we recorded it on his iPhone. So anyways, I am sitting here in a hotel room by myself.

2:18.0

And I've already taped Jimmy Fallon show. Obviously the fact that I brought it up. It went great.

2:25.0

And sure some of you cons will watch it and tell me that you didn't think it was great, but you know what? I don't need you. I don't need anybody. Actually, I do. I need somebody right now. I'm thinking about calling a hookah.

2:37.0

You know, not the banger just to be one of those creepy guys who just has calls up a hook or just social hang out and talk to him.

2:44.0

You know, it's fucking ridiculous. I don't know anybody in this city anymore. I'm old. I go out to the comedy clubs. I don't know anybody. You know, all the club owners, they either died or fucking retired.

2:59.0

Well, they don't come in anymore. So I did the show. I had a great time. I'm on this high. Everybody. I take it easy. See you later. Then I walk out and then I come back to the hotel room by myself.

3:11.0

You know, that's depressing. Well, yeah, it is. So what do I do? What do I do to combat the loneliness? You know, do I do something positive? No. What do I do? I fight ordering a hooker to just talk to.

3:28.0

And instead, I go outside and I get two mediocre slices of pizza and a pint of ice cream because I figured that'll make me feel better. I'll tell you overrated New York City pizza.

3:41.0

All right. And I'm going to tell you why not because it sucks. It's because everybody knows that it's awesome. So so many people jump on the co-tails of that who don't know how to make pizza. Like you can't walk more than a block and half in New York without finding a place that sells some pizza.

3:58.0

You know, and not all of it is good. Not all of this fucking good. Look at this fucking mad castle. All of a sudden having a good game.

...

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