Hey, what's going on is Bill Burr and it's the Monday morning podcast from Monday

January 26, 2015. What's going on? How are you? How's it going? I am doing this at about

10.41 p.m. Monday night in Perth, Perth, Australia. Sorry, you guys are going to deal with my awful Australian accent.

And also the shitty recording thing that I'm going to use this week because I was not lugging my fucking mixer all the way over here.

I had a flat, I was packing up the mixer and last time I was in Australia, I remember I fucking plugged in the mixer and I got all shorted out.

Even though I had the thing to the adapter, whatever the fuck you call it. Anyways, I'm going to fucking hotel room right now.

And it's gross. I'm going to gross fucking hotel room right now.

I mean, I'm going to begin to describe. First of all, the little fucking round coffee table, I had to wipe the whole thing down from the sticky drinks from the last time.

And then the fucking, the rug is just like, I'm trying to find an area of the rug that isn't stained, overrated everybody, the Hyatt.

The fucking Hyatt. I remember when I was a kid, you know, the fucking Hyatt, even like a Hilton, was considered nice. Now granted, I grew up in a family that, you know, a number of times a month.

We had Chip B. Fontos to chicken out of King for dinner, the scallop potatoes and ham.

This is before the food network. So whatever, whatever the fuck recipes were handed down or were on the back of a fucking Rice Krispie box, that's what you ate.

If you think about some of the shit you had, ugh, we had this fucking Goulash Hungarian Goulash. That was actually good. Then we had this other shit. My mother used to put these fucking noodles in it.

And one day my older brother told me they were actually worms. And every time I went to eat it, I'd be like, fucking gagging. My mother didn't give a shit. She'd make me finish it. I can't believe I kept remember the name of it. Anyways, whatever.

But back in the day, you know, a Hyatt and a Hilton were nice. Now, I don't know what happened. I don't think they bought a rug, much less shampooed one.

Every time I'm thinking I'm staying at the Hyatt, I always thought, the Hyatt, this is going to be great. It's still stuck in my head, like way back in the fucking day.

This place is a shittle. Anyways, but I am excited to be out here. This is the furthest into Australia that I've ever been. Nice 14-hour flight to Sydney. And then we landed. And fucking went into a hotel hung out for part of the day. And then I had to do some big talk show. I don't even remember the name of it. I'm so fucking jet-like.

It was weird. It was weird. This is how we taped the thing. I went down into a conference room in the hotel. And they had me sitting in the room. And then another room, they had the camera that I just look into and talk.

And that person in there was in a room with the light shut out. So I looked like some crazy person when my wife came in because I was sitting there with the light on me talking into a dark room.

And trying to be pleasant, but it was actually a really fun show. I wish I could have done it live. So anyway, so I'll be letting you guys know my fucking adventures over here as I go. Like I said, I'm starting off here in Perth.

I believe the next night is in Melbourne. Melbourne, however, the fuck you say it. And then Brisbane and then Sydney. And then I'm done. That's going to take a week.

And then I'm over to New Zealand and up to Singapore, Hong Kong, and then the fucking Mumbai, India. Then over to New York to go do the Patri Sonial benefit. So there you go. That's going to be my goddamn week.

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