Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday.

January 11th, 2016, what's going on? How are you? How's it going? I'm in a great fucking mood. I don't know why.

You know what? I haven't boozed and like fucking... I don't know what it's been. I don't know.

Nine, ten days or something like that. I did have a sip of wine last night, but I don't really consider that boozing.

You know the way I go after it all of these.

My wife, so you know something, when I stop drinking, my wife always tries to get me back to drinking.

Not to get drunk or anything. She just is like, you're so fucking... You know, I drive her so fucking nuts that I just think sometimes...

You know, if she wasn't such a good person, I think she would try and like drug me every night, like around supper, right? Make a little dinner.

Be like, how is that, honey? Oh, look at you. You look sleepy and like I have no idea. Like she just put some shit in my food.

Not to like kill me, just to sort of sedate me.

But anyways, but I haven't drank in like ten days or something. Well, that really made my head go somewhere. Like, wow, that's kind of fucked up. She does that.

But yeah, I haven't drank in like ten days. I'm feeling good. And that's what happens is that I slowly, you know, I start to eat better.

I'm starting my day off with the old... From the old country thing, you know, little fucking water at room temperature, which should make you a gag if you're any kind of a fucking human being.

But you get used to it with some lemon and then a little cayenne pepper in it. And then I take... I let that settle in me, and then I get a couple scoops of Greek yogurt, the all natural stuff.

That actually kind of tastes like sour cream. And the first time I ate it, I was like, this is the worst shit I've ever tasted because I was used to the crack baby yogurt that I've been eating my whole life that has like fucking 40 bags of sugar in it. You know, when you eat yogurt, you're like, yeah!

I mean, the amount of sugar that's in fucking regular yogurt, your money, you should fucking snort it. I mean, it's literally like... I mean, I'm not glad I... I still fucking love it.

But the Greek shit took me a minute, and now I'm actually... I like it, man. If I drink this shit and just have a couple scoops of that, it kind of fills me up.

And that's kind of the big thing is becoming old fuck like me. It's just somehow getting the hunger to go away without doing damage to yourself. And then walking around and burning a few calories before you go to the next one.

And I know this bunch, hopefully some younger listeners listening to this judging me. This is this old fart talking about fucking lemon water, cayenne pepper, and fucking Greek yogurt. Well, you know something?

If you're lucky enough, you live long enough. If we don't fuck up something or something bad doesn't happen to you, you know, to get to my age.

And you know, it's good to start healthy habits. Now, fuck shit up, what are you the fucking first lady?

You know what I'm doing right? I'm doing shit that like a first lady does right now. I'm actually... Let's get in shape, kids.

...