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Whether you believe your child comes fully formed as in they are who they are. And that's my belief is that they are

like a whole little person with their own hopes, dreams, personality. And my job is to almost

usher them through, helping them keep as much of that intact as I possibly can. I remember where

I was actually. I was sat by the pond and

Clapham where I used to live when I was reflecting on this and writing about it and realizing

it and it was like a bit of a bombshell moment for me to see it that differently. And it takes

pressure off. It does because your job is then to, well, what I say in the book is that you're

holding them, not molding them.

You know, you're sort of offering them that support through their own journey.

You're not the one who is deciding that journey for them and ushering them into the direction that you choose for them.

Of course, lots of parents do do that.

And it's interesting to see how children will

respond differently to that. Some children will comply. Some children will push back. Sometimes

they'll push back in very healthy ways. Sometimes they push back in ways that feel more destructive

to the relationship. But children are very good at letting us know, actually, this is not who I am, this person that you are

pushing me into, that is not who I am. As they grow, of course, what we know from attachment

...