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Simon Mayo's Confessions

Beep beep, beep beep, yeah! & other tales

Simon Mayo's Confessions

Bauer Media

Comedy

4.91.3K Ratings

🗓️ 10 April 2026

⏱️ 43 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Collective for a week of stains, spirits and seriously questionable decisions

First up, a gem from the crypt: Soviet-era Ukraine, super-strength homemade vodka, and a flock of geese who get so hammered they’re mistaken for dead… until they reappear very much alive, very naked, and very honky.

Then Richard admits to provoking the Tokoloshi in 1970s South Africa. Mr P's confession involves 15 litres of carpet glue and one blamed child, and Mark & Elaine’s enjoy a drive‑thru… in an imaginary car.

Got a confession? confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

If you want to save a few quid, British gas have a way, you get half-price leky, and it's called Peek Save.

0:06.0

On every Sunday, it's the smart thing to do, if you're regular folk, or furry and blue.

0:13.0

Eleven till four, let the good times begin. You could charge up the car or take the dryer for a spin.

0:19.0

Half-price electricity. What joy that brings.

0:23.3

With British gas peak save, we're taking care of things. T's and C supply, eligible tariffs and

0:28.9

smart meter required. Babe, it's Jim. Just voice-noting you because I'm so busy. I can't even type right now.

0:36.9

I'm working on that big presentation for my new launch.

0:40.3

I'm making it on Canva Mobile like you suggested. And it's making everything iconic.

0:46.8

So it's a bit noisy, babe. Mabst is going off. Anyways, I'm going to ping the presentation to you now So you can see what I mean

0:55.0

Got to go, hon

0:57.1

Thanks for introducing me to Canva

0:59.0

Love ya

0:59.9

You can't do much in under five minutes

1:02.1

Boil an egg

1:03.1

Sure, cook a roast dinner

1:04.8

No chance

1:05.9

But comparing car insurance prices with mustard.com.

1:10.0

Easy. See what you could save in just a few minutes.

1:13.7

Click mustard.com.com.org. Authorized and regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority. See website for details.

1:20.6

What's on TV? The answer is a lot. There's never been more choice ever what to put on the box with an abundance of great new shows, but you can miss them all if you don't know where to look. And that's where the Pilot TV podcast comes

1:31.5

in, your essential guide to every show that matters. Each week, we sift through the very best

1:36.0

in Prestige TV to help you decide what's worth spending your time on and what isn't. So join me,

...

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