Missed Connections
Absolutely Not
Dear Media
4.9 • 14K Ratings
🗓️ 21 December 2022
⏱️ 68 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather prepares herself mentally for the battle of Christmas and reminds herself it's not about fighting a petite elderly woman for the last giftcard at Talbots. but rather a time to reflect on all the selfless good she has given the world through the years. She hits the Absolutely Not Line and gives unsolicited advice on how to survive the holidays and plan a cruise for your conspiracy theory loving in-laws.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | The following podcast is a deer media production. |
| 0:06.5 | Welcome to the Absolutely Not Podcast, |
| 0:09.2 | where we do the most in the least at the same damn time. |
| 0:12.4 | I'm your host Heather McMahon. |
| 0:21.6 | Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to another episode of the |
| 0:24.9 | Absolutely Not Podcast. I am your host Heather McMahon. |
| 0:29.9 | Oh, let me get in there. Let me get real deep. |
| 0:34.2 | Hope everyone is having a fantastic week before Christmas. |
| 0:39.4 | I know I'm sure there's a lot of anxiety through the roof of having to get bullshit, |
| 0:44.9 | materialistic, last minute gifts for people in your family who are completely ungrateful. |
| 0:49.6 | But I hope you're listening to this while you bite off people at the mall for a parking space |
| 0:56.1 | in front of a cheesecake factory next to a macy's that's been abandoned. |
| 1:00.3 | And if this is you right now, just let me be your walking meditation, walk through the mall with |
| 1:06.6 | the purpose. There's only really three stores you need to go do. Get an Apple gift guard, |
| 1:10.9 | a Nordstrom gift guard. And you've got to buy something for grandma. Maybe if you have a soft |
| 1:16.8 | surrounding or a Talbot's cop one of those gift cards. But either way, I want you to know, |
| 1:21.7 | I'm here for you. I see you. I know this just much like Thanksgiving. This can be a very wild time. |
| 1:29.3 | It can also be a time just to really stir the pot with your family. And you know, |
| 1:32.9 | when I always love drama, I'm kidding. I don't love drama. You know, when you always had that |
| 1:38.0 | friend, though, who's like always fucking started shit. Her name was always Kelsey. And she's like, |
| 1:42.8 | but I don't like drama. I hate drama. Literally like there, I don't like the drama. |
| 1:50.4 | But every fucking time, I mean, if you told this girl you even started your period, she's |
... |
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