Melissa Urban
Happy Place
Fearne Cotton
4.6 • 15.2K Ratings
🗓️ 10 April 2023
⏱️ 62 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Setting boundaries might feel uncomfortable and sound callous, but best-selling author Melissa Urban believes setting boundaries is one of the kindest things you can do in any relationship.
In this chat with Fearne, Melissa explains how to start small when it comes to learning to set boundaries – casually saying ‘no’ to another glass of wine, for example – before moving on to setting boundaries with people in your life who might be seriously draining your energy. Plus, she tells Fearne why over-explaining often makes our lives more difficult.
Melissa’s book, ‘The Book of Boundaries: Set the limits that will set you free’, is out now from Vermilion.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hello and welcome to Happy Place with me, Fern Cotton. This is the show that |
| 0:05.8 | equips you with tools to make your every day a little less stressful. Today I'm |
| 0:10.8 | meeting Melissa Urban. The way you get better at respecting and even |
| 0:15.7 | recognizing other people's boundaries with you is by setting and holding them |
| 0:19.3 | yourself. Because the more you unlearn this idea that boundaries are selfish, |
| 0:24.4 | that having needs are selfish, that advocating for yourself is rude, or that |
| 0:28.8 | people should take these boundaries personally when they really are a |
| 0:32.7 | kindness and a gift to a relationship. The more you kind of embed that in your |
| 0:37.4 | own psyche, the easier it is to recognize that when someone else sets a |
| 0:40.7 | boundary with you. Melissa is a seven-time New York Times best-selling author. |
| 0:46.6 | That's a lot of books, who specialises in helping people establish healthy |
| 0:51.2 | boundaries, more on that in just a moment. And successfully navigate habit |
| 0:56.3 | change. She's also presented more than 150 health and nutrition seminars |
| 1:01.2 | worldwide. I'll be honest, I've been well aware for quite some time that I need |
| 1:06.3 | chat with Melissa. She is the queen of setting boundaries. Something I am pretty |
| 1:13.3 | awful at and quite frankly need guidance on and I'm very willing to get |
| 1:18.0 | better at. It's really, I think, my greatest challenge, but I'm so ready for it. |
| 1:24.8 | I think it's a bit of a British thing as well. We struggle with the directness |
| 1:29.3 | that setting boundaries needs. We're very apologetic about everything, but that's |
| 1:33.7 | why I was so grateful to get to talk to Melissa because she started to make me |
| 1:37.2 | really see that, yes, setting boundaries might feel uncomfortable, but it's |
| 1:42.3 | always coming from the kindest place possible. |
... |
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