I had been living in New York and working there as an actor and director and choreographer for 25 years or so, and I really felt I needed a change.

I imagined in my fantasy, I suppose, that when I came here, I would have a completely different life.

Perhaps a construction worker or one of those guys that works on those high-wire things that with a hard hat, you know, that sweeping sort of hat and with the chaps.

Well, hi there, everybody. Welcome at to a Thursday afternoon edition of TVTL. It's the show that's probably too beautiful to live.

It's a trapstief, a mockery of a sham, a mockery of a trapstief, two mockeries of a sham.

Among other things, among other things. Hey, this is episode 567 in a collector series. My name is Luke Burbank, I'm your host, I'm weighing it 182 pounds.

I am petrified, petrified with this story.

Here's the thing. As you know, if you listen to yesterday's program, I was down in San Diego. I was wearing a deeply humiliating Robinhood-esque sort of outfit at a corporate function.

And I think that it caused me to eat my feelings a little bit while I was down there in San Diego. And so I think that that's what's attributable to the slight weight gain, but that's all right.

That's all right. We're not going to let it keep us down. We've got a fabulous, fabulous Thursday afternoon edition of the program for you here.

Hi, this is Luke from Suzy coming tonight on TVTL.

In hilariously named engineering project news, the top shot seems to be working in tying up the Gulf oil spill, but if that doesn't work, they're going to have to go to Plan B.

The junk shot, we may have to bring out our, this is a real thing, segment again, people, because that is a real thing. The junk shot, we'll talk about top shots and junk shots during our top story.

So, Smirnov Ice, surging in popularity with the dude bros of the world.

We'll talk to you all about the phenomenon of bros, icing bros. I spent about an hour today before the show trying to think of a hilarious headline to integrate the term bros, icing hose, and also the term bros before hose.

And I just couldn't, I couldn't seem to find just the right thing that didn't seem as kind of misogynistic or something.

I went with something else, but anyway, we will talk about bros, icing bros today and what all that means for the world.

And also, we'll get to your emails and your emails, including Luke Burbank regrets the error, was totally wrong about the pronunciation of the woman Marina Abramovich's name.

This segment will feature tape from none other than Marina Abramovich clearing up a few issues about the pronunciation of her name.

Also, we've got Andy Haynes here in the house. Now you can say hi.

Hey guys.

All the way from New York City, the hilarious Andy Haynes.

...