you don't know me

a confession i can't take back

i am

the masked speaker

text to 78592 says people say i'm weird because i prefer yellow mustard on my breakfast

toast instead of jam

i don't care what you say.

I love how it tastes.

I mean, I think Brooke talks to me about mustard on an egg, right?

I'll take mustard all day.

Yeah.

I mean, look, the world is full of normal people who do totally unhinged, crazy things that make absolutely zero sense.

Yay, that makes it human. But enough about Brooke. This is about the masked speaker. And today we've got a normal woman on the line ready to confess her totally unhinged secret. There's no such thing as a normal woman. Get out of here, Jeff. Let's find out because she's chosen Charlotte as her fake name. Charlotte, welcome to the show. Hey, guys. How are you? Oh, good. How are you doing? Um, good, I suppose. Brooks sounds excited to talk to somebody who's slightly more unhinged than she is. That's how you doing. Always true. And here we go. We're ready. Voice changers on. You're the mass speaker. Whenever you're ready, let's hear your doing. Always true. There we go. We're ready. Voice changes on.

You're the mass speaker. Whenever you're ready, let's hear your confession. Okay. So it's really embarrassing, and I want to make it very clear that I am not proud of this at all. Okay. Good start. That's a bad disclaimer. I love that disclaimer. Why? What did you do? Okay, so a couple of years ago, my family and I, we were at a very popular theme park. I'm not going to say which one. Okay. Ah, Dolly World, okay. Totally, but I would assume that. Yeah, it's Dolly Wood, not Dolly World. Oh. No, Dolly World is the offshoot of Dolly World. Yeah, we're talking about the one of Florida. Yeah, even lesser known. Okay, go on. Popular theme park. Okay, so we were on our second day when we're in the park and we've been waiting in line for about two and a half hours. Oh, one of the big one rides. Yes. Sorry, I was named a ride. Yeah. The one where you either wait in line or you pay $50 to cut in front of everybody else. Gotcha. Yeah, and let me be very clear. It was a super hot day. I'm not trying to give myself excuses. But, you know, we've been walking around and we were all really tired. I had the kids with me and everything, okay? So we're getting pretty close to the front of the line, okay? And I see this group of people come up and they cut in front of everybody. Oh, that is not cool. Especially after you've been standing there for like two, two and a half hours. I feel like... I'm not talking about a bathroom line or something. Yeah. But it's like mutiny if you do that. You know what I mean? Like the line behind, everyone behind you is... Yeah. I mean, people were vocal, right? Well, okay. So I got out of line and I snapped and I went up to them and I started screaming like, who the hell do you think you are?

Everyone else has been standing here for hours. Do you think you're better than us? Oh, okay. You went off on these people. I feel like there's a lot of people in line that are probably like, yeah, tell them. Like they're so happy. Some pitchforks and torches start coming up out of nowhere. Like Brooks said, everybody hates them. Seriously, like full rage, like I feel like I blacked out.

Like, and I said some other very... start coming up out of nowhere. Like Brooks said, everybody hates this. Seriously, like full rage, like, I feel like I blacked out.

Like, and I said another very unkind thing.

You went for the jugular. I see.

I hope nobody's recording you.

Oh, sure.

Oh, yeah.

Well, unfortunately, the park security came and got involved and threw me out and my entire

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