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Judge John Hodgman

Martial Law

Judge John Hodgman

Jesse Thorn

World, Show, Complete, Hodgeman, Comedy, Pc, Daily, Hodgman, Mac, More, Expertise, Knowledge, Information

4.87.7K Ratings

🗓️ 1 January 2014

⏱️ 72 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Rodrigo brings the case against his friend and jiu jitsu classmate Matthew. Rodrigo claims Matthew has avoided taking the "No-Gi" classes at their Jiu Jitsu studio and needs to start challenging himself in his practice. Matthew says he's tried the classes but can't spend all his free time practicing. Is Matthew wimping out? Only one man can decide.

Transcript

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0:00.0

Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm Bale of Jesse Thorn. This week, Marshall

0:07.4

Law. Rodrigo brings the case against his friend and Jiu-Jitsu classmate Matthew. Rodrigo

0:13.3

claims Matthew has avoided taking the no-gee classes at their Jiu-Jitsu studio and needs

0:18.4

to start challenging himself in his practice. Matthew says he's tried the classes but can't

0:23.4

spend all his free time practicing. His Matthew wimping out, only one man can decide.

0:29.4

These rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom.

0:33.8

You swing to your left, then you swing to your right. This new dance, people. It's pure

0:39.9

dynamite. Every step is poetry and motion. Let the rhythm take your devotion. So when you

0:46.9

feel like you want to fight, people, listen to me. Don't get up tight. This is all. This

0:53.9

is all you do. Bale of Jesse swear him in. Please rise and raise your right hands. Do

1:00.6

you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God

1:04.7

or whatever? I do. I do. You swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling, despite

1:12.1

the fact that his specialty is Bartitsu. I do. I do. Very well, Judge Hodgman. You may

1:20.4

be seated. Rodrigo and Matthew for an immediate summary judgment in one of your favours. Can

1:29.1

either of you name the piece of culture that I paraphrase as I entered the courtroom and

1:35.1

I will allow that barking dog in the backroom to vote as well. Rodrigo, no idea. Is it vision

1:43.0

quest? It's a vision quest. Matthew jumping in for the steel. No. I could not. I could not.

1:53.7

I could not complete. I could not complete the quote, which is a lyric to a song without

2:00.7

revealing the name of the song. This is all. This is all you do. Dance the Kung Fu. And

2:08.5

of course, you are familiar with Dance the Kung Fu. No. Oh, it's my favorite song. No. No.

2:16.2

Right. But I couldn't come out and just read the lyrics from Kung Fu fighting by Carl

2:21.5

Douglas because you would know it, right? Correct. Everybody was Kung Fu fighting. Those

...

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