At Proximum, Con-William, you're listening to TVTWOW.

Mom, Dad, I've got a little surprise for the two of you.

I think I might just buy you a 30-room mansion in Beverly Hills, California,

complete with push-button phones. Look at this face. What do you see? Look at it, Dad.

What do you see? What do you see? Say it. Say it. Oh, it's a face.

Yeah, but what kind of face? Of pale,

pasty, psychotic? No, Dad.

It's a neatly chiseled, well-groomed, drop-dead, handsome face.

I'm going to become a male model. Oh, you know, of course, you can't just walk into the

glamorous, high-paying world of male modeling. It takes hard work. It takes dedication.

And a semi-moderate amount of attractiveness.

Hence my career in talk radio. Male modeling was always a dream,

but after having that talk with my parents, the writing was more or less on the wall.

Welcome to hour number two of this Wednesday night edition of TBTL,

the show that's probably too beautiful to live. I'm Luke Burbank, your host.

This, by the way, is episode 279 in a collector series, 279 in a collector's series.

We've got a segment on this show that we like to call, I love you, chunk.

And this is when somebody, you know, is a fan of some kind of bizarre thing in the past.

It's been worm composting in their basement. Somebody else loved a TV show about crazy whale chaser,

Paul Watson. But we also have a segment that's called Defend Yourself, which is when somebody is

kind of engaging in what we think is the indefensible. And like, you know, having a, I don't know,

like a Nissan Altima and lowering it to the ground and tinting out all the windows and

...