Ladies, ladies, ladies. Cheating is a bitter pill to swallow that causes not only shame, but actually confusion for most of us. I've really been on the kick lately, done if you notice, about this issue. It really does buckle my mind how somebody can say they love you, that you're the apple of their eye, and then you find out that they've gone and betrayed you you So I've actually been bringing in more and more guests to list Just uncover the thing that actually condemn our confidence more than anything else The amount of women that I've heard whose confidence is completely wrecked because of a betrayal is Utterly frickin heartbreak and so I've really been diving deep into the subject to try and help you guys heal or understand why that is so that we can actually own our power. Now falling in love and being in a relationship is actually risky business. So we also dig into why it's so damn hard to identify most cheaters before it actually happens. And Dr. Romney breaks down seven types of cheaters and why defining what I love you means to each other make exposure partners' tendencies or capacity to cheat. We know the signs, you know the signs. So if you're actually ready to heal your broken heart, protect yourself from future harm and give yourself the gift, the gift of love and respect, mahogany and catch your back. I'm your host Lisa Bilyu and this is Women of Impact. I am sick and tired of hearing people saying, well these are the things you did and that's why you're man cheated on you. S U absolutely not. Somebody cheats on you, they betrayed you. Unless they clean that stuff up, you better believe it's once a cheater on, isn't it? But I think what is tricky about cheating and infidelity is... I heard that roughly one in four men now cheat in relationships, which is crazy. So when I think about how many people I've dated, the people are home dated. If you've dated more than four people, the chances are that maybe you've been cheated on. So what I want to know is, how can we start to identify the signs so that we don't get blindsided so that we don't get heartbroken and then we don't get betrayed? I'm surprised it says the lowest one in four. I would have put it higher. I would have put it, so one and four is about 25%.

I would have probably put it closer to 35, the one and three.

So cheating is a very, or infidelity,

or breaking the social contract of a relationship

is a very complex behavior.

And it has to do with sort of,

where does it fall in the life history of a relationship?

How does it show up?

What qualifies as cheating? All of that. Now I'm going to sit here and of course, you know, I'm going to tell you that if you already are getting vibes of a toxic relationship, someone who is interrupting you, someone who is hypersensitive, somebody who needs a lot of validation, I'm not saying everyone like that is going to achieve but you definitely turned up the volume on that

probability happening. But I actually have to tell you the hard thing about somebody who needs a lot of validation. I'm not saying everyone like that is gonna cheat, but you've definitely turned up the volume

on that probability happening. But I actually have to tell you the hard thing about infidelity very frankly, Lisa, unlike what I usually talk about narcissism. I don't think there are great red flags. I think there's obvious red flags where people are gonna be obvious cheaters in your first, second, third date, they're already flirting with the server or the bartender or they already seem to be huddled

in a conversation with someone at the bar

when you're supposed to be meeting them and you're like, what are you doing? Why are you so cozy with this person? Or they're liking a lot of inappropriate pictures on social media even when you're early in a relationship with them, you follow them on social media and you see that

they're always making comments on people's pictures

that kind of sort of puts you off and make you wonder, why are they having to comment on how sexy people's pictures are? They're just a friend. And if they gaslight you about it, if they say, oh, it's not a big deal, we're old friends. That's probably a little bit of a soft sign. sign but I think what is tricky about cheating and infidelity is that it's not

always toxic people who do it and That's probably a little bit of a soft sign, but I think what is tricky about cheating

and infidelity is that it's not always toxic people who do it. And because of that, I don't think that the red flags are discernible. And I say that for one reason, but a lot of people say, how did I not see this coming? What kind of fool? Am I more than anything? I'd say, I don't think you could see this coming. And in the years I have done clinical practice, I have worked with so many clients who have

been cheated on. And every single one of the profiles of their partners were somewhat different. Okay, so is it just then you just have to accept that and then say you just have to trust that person like where, how do we start to assess then whether the relationship is a healthy one, whether they are going to stray or not? I think one of the biggest problems is we talk all the time about what makes a toxic relationship, red flags, warning signs, what makes a healthy relationship. And I don't think we have a good shared definition on that. Now I'm going to give you a mental health answer to that question. And it's going to include respect, compassion, kindness, patience, compromise, equality, balance, the ability to see the strengths and the other partner and support them in their growth. That's the stuff that is a healthy relationship and then there's things like shared values, shared interests, shared things you like to do together and awareness of what the other needs. You might not be a physically touchy person, but your partner may be. So you really do, like you recognize

at the stungle time on the so far, whatever it looks like for you, is something that's important. Being aware of what your partner needs and giving that because it feels reciprocal and mutual and you feel heard and seen. But let me tell you, if I had to pick only one word about what makes a healthy relationship, it would be safe.

We feel safe when we're in a healthy relationship.

We don't feel like we're

about to be invalidated or put down or betrayed. Okay, so that's what a healthy relationship is.

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