Logan Ury: #1 Dating Mistake That Leads to the Wrong Relationship (Use THIS Compatibility Test Before You Get Attached)
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
iHeartPodcasts
4.7 • 30.5K Ratings
🗓️ 30 March 2026
⏱️ 106 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Many of us have been on countless dead-end dates, excited by the wrong people, overlooking the right ones, and left wondering why finding a healthy relationship still feels so complicated.
Jay sits down with behavioral scientist and dating coach Logan Ury to explore why modern dating feels harder than ever and what we can actually do to build meaningful relationships in a world full of options. Together, they unpack the hidden psychology behind attraction, the myths we believe about “the spark,” and how dating apps have changed the way we evaluate potential partners. Logan shares how many people unknowingly sabotage their chances at love by chasing instant chemistry instead of long-term compatibility, reminding us that the strongest relationships are often built through curiosity, emotional safety, and shared values rather than immediate intensity.
Jay and Logan also dive into the patterns that keep people stuck in cycles of disappointing relationships. From the pressure to find the “perfect” partner to the fear of vulnerability, they discuss how modern dating culture can create unrealistic expectations. Logan explains the difference between people who date intentionally and those who drift through relationships without clarity, and why small mindset shifts, like asking better questions, focusing on growth potential, and recognizing emotional availability, can dramatically change our outcomes. The conversation highlights how understanding our own habits, attachment styles, and communication patterns can help us show up more authentically in love.
In this episode you'll learn:
How to Stop Chasing the Wrong People
How to Look Beyond the First Date Spark
How to Choose Compatibility Over Chemistry
How to Date with Clear Intentions
How to Avoid the “Maximizer” Dating Trap
How to Ask Better Questions on Dates
How to Build Attraction That Grows Over Time
How to Date in a World of Endless Options
If dating has ever made you feel discouraged, confused, or like you’re falling behind, you’re not alone. Building a meaningful relationship in today’s world can feel overwhelming, but the truth is that love isn’t about finding someone perfect, it’s about finding someone willing to grow with you.
What are your dating blind spots? Take the quiz to find out! www.loganury.com/quiz
If you’re ready to understand your patterns in love and build healthier relationships, check out How to Not Die Alone. Click here to order: https://www.amazon.com/How-Not-Die-Alone-Surprising/dp/1982120622
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
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What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
01:11 The Problem with Modern Dating Expectations
04:16 The Three Types of Daters
06:30 Do You Believe In a Soulmate?
08:20 Why Dating Burnout Is So Common
10:23 Why Does Dating Feel So Difficult Today?
14:04 Why Hustle Culture Fails in Dating
15:46 Two Ways to Approach Dating Intentionally
18:52 What Is “Chalant” Dating?
21:35 When Rejection Becomes Content
24:12 The Rise of a Hesitant Generation
26:01 Why We’re Afraid to Make a Move
27:14 The Challenge of Male Vulnerability
29:23 Why Rejection Feels So Personal
32:21 The Fear of Choosing the Wrong Person
38:01 What Actually Predicts Long-Term Relationship Success?
44:36 The Biggest Lie We’re Told About Love
47:13 The Myth of the Movie-Moment First Meeting
49:22 Are Dating Apps Making Us Replaceable?
50:19 Start by Fixing Your Dating Profile
53:58 How to Optimize Your Dating Profile
01:08:07 Make It Easy for People to Engage with You
01:10:01 What Is Friction-Maxing?
01:12:11 “Rose Jail” on Hinge
01:15:58 Choosing a Partner Takes Real Effort
01:17:13 Do You Believe in “Right Person, Wrong Time?”
01:18:22 Are People Giving Up Too Quickly on Love?
01:19:57 Post Date Eight
01:23:35 How Do You Define Love?
01:25:15 Is Love Alone Enough?
01:26:24 Falling in Love vs. Being in Love
01:27:50 What Truly Makes a Great Partner?
01:29:18 Are Your Standards Too High?
01:31:19 Understanding the “Ick”
01:35:23 This or That: Love Edition
01:40:36 Logan on Final Five
Episode Resources:
Website | https://www.loganury.com/
Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/loganury
LinkedIn | linkedin.com/in/loganury/
The Later Daters: https://www.netflix.com/ph-en/title/81665880
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | This is an I-Heart podcast guaranteed human. |
| 0:05.0 | The Vegas lie that we've been sold in love is this idea of the spark. |
| 0:08.8 | We interpret it as chemistry when it's actually anxiety. |
| 0:13.6 | Only 11% of people experience love at first sight. |
| 0:17.0 | So you don't believe in the one? |
| 0:18.8 | I don't believe in the one. |
| 0:20.7 | We've become so obsessed with finding the perfect person instead of building the perfect relationship. |
| 0:27.9 | Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the place you come to become happier, healthier, and more healed. |
| 0:34.0 | This might be the most requested dating episode we've ever done, because so many of you |
| 0:40.5 | keep asking the same question, why do I keep chasing the wrong person? Why can't I find the right |
| 0:47.8 | person? Today we're joined by best-selling author and Hinges director of relationship science, |
| 0:54.0 | Logan Yuri. |
| 0:55.1 | Logan challenges one of dating's biggest myths. What does the spark really mean? And is it actually |
| 1:01.0 | leading you in the wrong direction? If you're tired of confusing chemistry with compatibility, |
| 1:06.3 | I don't want you to miss this episode. Please welcome to On Purpose, Logan Yuri. Logan Yuri, welcome to |
| 1:12.0 | on purpose. Thank you for being here. Yay, I'm so happy to be here. It's so great to have you. I've been wanting to have you in this seat for so long. You've been such a requested guest for us. Thank you. I'm so excited for this conversation. So I want to dive right in. Let's do it. My first question is, what is the biggest mistake that people are making and dating right now? |
| 1:29.9 | One of the biggest mistake that people are making |
| 1:28.3 | in dating right now? One of the biggest mistakes I see people making is really having unrealistic |
| 1:34.4 | expectations around relationships, around dating, around their partner, and around themselves. |
| 1:40.6 | And so through my coaching, I've categorized this into a framework that I call the three dating |
| 1:45.9 | tendencies. And I know you took the quiz on this. So I'm excited to see your results of the quiz. |
| 1:52.0 | But just to walk you through it, so the first hype is the romanticizer. And the romanticizer, |
... |
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