Dr. Gabor Maté: Constantly Worrying What People Think of You? (THIS Simple Shift Will Help You Trust Yourself and Stop Seeking Approval)
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
iHeartPodcasts
4.7 • 30.5K Ratings
🗓️ 1 April 2026
⏱️ 50 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In this special live conversation at the Orpheum Theatre in Vancouver, Canada, Jay sits down with renowned physician and trauma expert Dr. Gabor Maté for a deeply moving exploration of identity, healing, and the hidden patterns that shape our lives. Gabor explains that our obsession with how others perceive us often begins in childhood, when our fundamental need to be seen and understood isn’t fully met. In response, many people unconsciously adapt, hiding parts of themselves or becoming who they think others want them to be in order to feel accepted and loved.
In this episode you'll Learn:
How to Stop Living for Others’ Approval
How to Break Generational Trauma Patterns
How to Know If You’re Living Your True Life
How to Stop Tying Your Worth to Productivity
How to Recognize When Stress Is Hurting You
How to Listen to Your Inner Voice Again
How to Start Saying “No” Without Feeling Guilty
How to Practice Self-Compassion Instead of Self-Criticism
How to Turn Your Past Coping Patterns Into Healing
How to Ask the Question That Changes Your Life
Real change doesn’t come from forcing yourself to be perfect or trying to fix everything overnight. It begins with small moments of awareness, pausing long enough to listen to that quiet inner voice, asking honest questions about what feels true for you, and giving yourself permission to honor it.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
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What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
00:41 Why Do We Care So Much About Others’ Opinions?
03:10 Learning to Love People the Way They Need
04:53 How Childhood Shapes Our Need for Approval
06:46 The Dangerous Belief: “I’m Only Valuable If…”
11:02 Why Do We Feel Guilty When We Rest?
12:37 What Stress Is Really Doing to Your Brain and Body
16:19 Saying “No” Is Essential for Your Wellbeing
21:05 The Power of Asking Yourself Honest Questions
23:44 How to Listen to Your Gut Again
29:52 A Live Compassionate Inquiry Session
33:23 Your Healing Is Helping Your Children
35:08 Trusting the Wisdom Already Inside You
36:53 Your Coping Mechanisms Aren’t Failures
40:11 Turning Past Mistakes Into Lessons
41:45 Balancing Self-Improvement and Self-Acceptance
47:54 The Question That Can Change Your Life
Episode Resources:
Website | https://drgabormate.com/
YouTube | https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsRF06lSFA8zV9L8_x9jzIA
Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/drgabormate
Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/gabormatemd/
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | This is an I-Heart podcast, guaranteed human. |
| 0:05.0 | At some point, something has to happen for you that causes you to wonder who am I really. |
| 0:11.9 | And everything that I manifest and speak and do, is it designed to fit other people's expectations, |
| 0:23.6 | or does it line up with who I really am? I truly am so excited to be here tonight at the Orphium Theatre in Vancouver |
| 0:30.6 | with a dear friend, |
| 0:32.6 | someone that I consider to be the utmost expert goat, the greatest of all time in its face. |
| 0:40.3 | Like there is no one like Dr. Gabon Matte. |
| 0:44.3 | Could you say more about that? |
| 0:47.3 | We've been talking tonight about worrying about how we're perceived by others. Yeah. |
| 0:55.0 | And how that blocks us from things in our life. |
| 0:59.0 | Yeah. |
| 1:00.0 | Where does that come from? Why is it that we're so obsessed and addicted to what people think about us? |
| 1:07.0 | Well, it's a great topic, and I think in this culture it's a fundamental one. |
| 1:13.6 | There's a wonderful Catholic monk and mystic called Thomas Merton who talked about how we |
| 1:21.6 | live in other people's minds. So when we're concerned about what other people think of us, |
| 1:26.6 | how they see us, perceive us, judge us, love us, hate us, we're not living in ourselves. |
| 1:33.3 | We're living in other people's minds. |
| 1:35.3 | Wow. |
| 1:36.3 | So where does that come from? |
| 1:37.3 | One of the needs of the human child, it's an essential need. |
| 1:41.3 | Just as we have the need to be held physically, to be fed, to be nurtured, |
| 1:46.0 | we also have the need to be seen because we get to see ourselves the way others see us. |
... |
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