Hi, Selene and Brett. This is Jessica from Buffalo, New York. I just finished listening to your episode about coping with a loved one with ADHD.

Well, did that hit home? I think I might be married to Selene.

My husband, Bill, is a really amazing guy. He's creative, spontaneous, charismatic, but he also is chronically late.

Can't keep a schedule, and I often wondered if he was just being inconsiderate.

But after listening to Brett, it really hit home that there are things that I can do to help him manage that and understand that it's not intentional.

I would love to hear more from you guys on your partnership and how you've managed this over the years.

Thank you again for all the wonderful information. I'm a longtime Selene fan and Selene show listener. Thanks again.

Hey there. Welcome to this edition of the Selene show. It's Car Smart Friday, except I'm not in a car yet.

Right now, I'm in a hotel room in Las Vegas, and I'm on my way to take an Uber to an event that I desperately feel anxiety about because I can't control a whole bunch of details.

Today is about your need, my need, our need to control things, and how to address it.

Welcome to the Selene show. Selene is a New York Times bestselling author, celebrity fitness trainer, and obsessed with helping you live your dream life.

The first step is to understand why it is you want control. And in order to do that, you've got to be really honest with yourself and sometimes admit some things that are not... well, they're kind of ugly. It's not flattering.

So I'm going to share with you what some of these reasons why it is we need to control. One reason why people will want to control things or especially their friends or family is because they fear change.

They fear that they will lose significance. That's the number one reason why you'll find that, especially except in a parent situation, but when it's like a friend or a loved one or a family member or even your significant other, we usually want to control it because we fear losing it.

Another reason why we might want to exert control is because there's a fear of the unknown. And those unknowns might result in people thinking less of you, might result in you being afraid, being shamed, feeling less than, feeling judged.

It might be that you want to control everything because you have unrealistic real fears when I say real meaning they're not true fears, but they're truly beliefs that you have that something is going to be dangerous or something could hurt you.

Or people could hurt you, like a lack of trust. Like maybe you have jealousy or insecurity or trust issues and because of that you want to control things.

You might also want to control things because you're afraid of making mistakes. You're afraid that things may go wrong and then it would be your fault.

You're afraid that if you don't control every single little detail, well then the world feels like it's coming to an end.

Sometimes control is asserted in one area because we don't have it anywhere else. I think we've all run into someone who has a position of power, like a title, and they just want to be a control freak, a control monger, a power monger, because they feel powerless and like this is their one opportunity to exert power.

I know what I like to be in control and I just have to be honest with it and I thought it'd be cool to record this as raw and honestly as possible as I'm heading over to do my very first live meetup in Las Vegas.

It's a total informal thing we threw it together like two days ago and my control issues are flaring. They're inflamed. Let's say my control issues aren't flamed at the moment and I've been trying to quiet them all day.

...