Hello, it's ladies and stories.

It's the radio segment that teamed up with Ryan Reynolds to help get you through the holidays with aviation gin-infused maple syrup.

Hey, I like this.

Mother your pancakes in sweet, sticky booze.

So your relatives will never know that you're getting plastered at 8 a.m.

on Christmas Day.

My pancakes taste like juniper berries.

Please don't give it to your children on accident.

Oh, that's a good call.

Buy your five-gallon jugs today

with laser stories.

Five-gallon.

You're going to need it.

A segment where we read weird news stories around the globe just like everyone else does, except we've got a laser.

Those other breakfast baddies just go.

This first laser story is out of Los Angeles.

A 93-year-old woman named Maude Rossotter had been hearing what she thought was animals under her house for weeks.

Oh.

She told her neighbors it sounded like knocking and grunting, theorizing it was a family of squirrels

or two raccoons getting it on.

What an assumption.

Why wouldn't they?

...