Kendall Toole: Owning Her Story

The Squeeze

Taylor Lautner

Taylor Lautner, Tay, The Squeeze, Taylor, Education, Tay Lautner, Health & Fitness, Squeeze, Lemons By Tay

4.6 • 1.3K Ratings

🗓️ 3 December 2025

⏱️ 51 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

TW: Suicide Attempt

In this week’s episode, Tay sits down with fitness instructor, mental health advocate, and former Peloton star Kendall Toole! Kendall opens up about how she first began teaching for Peloton, why she ultimately chose to leave, and the vision behind her new venture, the NKO Club app (including the meaning behind its name). She shares what it’s like to navigate fitness both as a passion and a profession, along with her deeply personal mental health journey that began with childhood OCD and later included a day when she came close to ending her life — and the reason she didn’t follow through. Kendall talks about what healing looked like in the aftermath, the grounding tools she relies on when anxiety or overwhelm creep in, and how her relationship with her mental health has evolved over the years. To close, she offers heartfelt advice for anyone who has ever found themselves in the same dark place she once was.

Be sure to follow Kendall https://instagram.com/kendalltoole/!

Check out NKO Club here: https://www.nkoclub.com/

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Transcript

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0:00.0	The following podcast is a Dear Media production.
0:04.2	You were seconds away from ending your life.
0:08.5	Oh boy.
0:09.6	It always comes up and it's beautiful and I think it's important to show that even a decade after,
0:13.6	you will always be emotional about these things.
0:16.0	Something I had a lot of shame about for a long time.
0:18.4	You realize how many people have either ideated or have been
0:23.4	in a season time and time again. Everything from the surface level was wonderful. I'm at USC. I'm at
0:29.8	film school. I'm doing this. I cheered. Like, you would look like girls killing it. She's happy.
0:34.6	You know, I knew something was going on and I kept trying to bury it down.
0:37.8	I kept trying to distract myself, but I was isolating. I wasn't going out with friends.
0:41.5	The biggest thing about that was I felt really numb. Like I didn't, I didn't feel anything.
0:46.7	And going back to that girl who will always be a part of me, she just felt so lost, thinking
0:53.0	that everything I thought was something wrong with me.
0:55.4	I didn't have the awareness that the thoughts that I was thinking weren't my truth.
1:00.5	That evening, I was just tired.
1:03.4	I was numb and I was tired and I just didn't feel much.
1:05.9	I went up onto the roof of the building.
1:08.2	I was like, I just need air. I just need air.
1:10.0	There's all these bridges as you walk and then you go up to the rooftop. And I kept envisioning. I remember just
1:16.0	thinking, I'm just so tired of feeling nothing. Moments away and I had this like out of body
1:22.5	flash experience. That was a fear bigger.
	...

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