Tina Tannin Tweed is happy to announce it's Grand Re-Reopening.

Tina Tannin Tweed is now reopened after we had to close after our last grand reopening.

That's right, Crab Applien's Northwest Butchuk County's only tanning, tweezing, and anal bleaching spot is back and better than ever.

With four state-of-the-art burn beds, you'll be redder than ever, making her wetter than ever.

The juice is loose.

T-T&T has the only beds anywhere in the world that turn the UV rays up to 11.

That's right, back by popular demand, and thanks to Doge Dregulations, our 1970s-era-tanning equipment

will give you more solar radiation in one session than most astronauts get standing outside their spaceship. Bake me a cake, Rocket Man.

And make sure to stop by the Tina Tweeding Tent, conveniently located steps from our outdoor

restroom facilities.

And Donde estes A Urbanyo.

You'll get a professional plucking, so you're ready for some...

Put a quarter in the swear jar.

This week and this week only when you order one lip waxing,

we'll throw in the other lips for free.

Barely legal.

Ladies, let's trim that basement beard and put out a fresh welcome mat

for that special hunk-a of spunk in your life.

Slip and slide.

We'll get up close and personal with our 5'1 Brazilian technique.

You'll leave feeling sexy, silky, and smooth, or your next visit is 10% off.

Plus, available now to all new crabapple customers,

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