There was a moment with how I made, there were many moments where I was like, I can't believe I'm still playing the same role.

I had a joke with someone. I was like, I've run out of faces to make it Barney.

When I got on the show and I was having what looked to be, I mean by our cultural standard,

like a great success, I fell into this kind of despair which drove me deeper into a

spiritual search where I was like what do I like what is meaning my spiritual practice is

how do I navigate losing anonymity being on this big show feeling trapped by this big show also being alert to its many many blessings how do

I not wither under the opinion praise praise, or criticism of other people?

There was this very strange vertigo of being collapsed and over-identified with the character.

It actually threw me into this kind of existential crisis,

especially when I came on for the first two seasons,

I noticed my drinking, there was an uptick in it.

To counteract the discomfort with the fame and the visibility, a bottle of wine, and then smoking

a lot of pot, and then waking up and not remembering getting into bed kind of thing.

My stuff with women was very kind of tied into alcohol.

There were interactions that were piling up.

I'm only now on some weird level like making some peace

with that era because I found for whatever reason

the show has continued to like blossom and grow it's really an important thing

for people and I'm like oh my god I was a part of that I was like, oh my God, I was a part of that. I was like at the center of that.

What a gift. You could be a proper atheist, neuroscientist, and know exactly what's happening to the brain

when you're under the influence of any of these

substances but at some point especially with Iowasca you will be so far

...