I'm Claire Parker and I'm Ashley Hamilton and this is celebrity memoir book club.

You were saying it's so weird. I literally was not. You're projecting upon me. I was following your cues and then I did get a little bit nervous that because we're on Zoom. The sound would clash and what the people would hear would be nothing.

Oh, that would have been really bad to hear nothing because people come here to this podcast to hear something.

This is not a Rihanna album. We do produce.

Claire, what the fuck is celebrity memoir book club? It's a podcast first and foremost and secondly and second most is a podcast done by two comics. What does that mean that means we're here to make you laugh? Does that mean we're smart? No, does that mean we're literate? No. Does it mean that you made checkle along? Honestly, not even that. But we are trying to be funny. But also we are reading celebrity memoirs and we are going to joke about them. And as comedians who punch up, which means that we find the people in authority.

And take them down. We may be saying vicious cruel things. So if you're not prepared, buckle up and get out of town. Get out of town, baby, because it's a cruel cruel summer. You got out of town. I am out of town. I'm in Chicago. I got my ass kicked immediately by the town. I guess this will be my memoir this week. I'll call it old school family shit. Okay, that's my memoir.

Title this week. I like know my third cousins. My family is really family. They really love to keep in touch. They love to do cousins dinners and like cousins means like 30 people. I only have nine first cousins. And I love them. If any of my family is listening to this, I adore you. But when you come to town and you haven't seen a lot of people for a really long time, the amount that you have to be like, yes, still living in New York. Yeah, things are going well. Yeah, I have a podcast. Yeah, still doing comedy. No, I'm freelancing now. Okay, great talk to you.

It was just like on fucking repeat. It just is over and over and over again. And so then me and my brother will just like go in the corner and get drunk. And I'm feeling it, you know, Claire, how was your memoir this week?

It was tough. My boyfriend just left for a month. Do I guess it's like do or die in terms of acknowledging who I am? Every excuse has been stripped away from me. I don't have a day job. I don't have a boyfriend. I don't have a roommate. You're in Chicago.

I don't even have friends. It really is like, Claire, if you're not getting your work done now, then you're just not one to work. Then you need to start popping out kids or something. I love that idea that because I'm too lazy to work, I should probably take on a full time job of motherhood.

If you can't put together three hours a day to fucking write down some fart jokes, maybe you should make sure a human being stays alive for the rest of its life stays alive for the rest of its life. I use it doesn't have to be that long if you do your job bad.

Hey, I kept it alive for every day that it was breathing all 32 of Christ.

You guys this week's memoirist, I have nothing but love for her. That's her favorite topic. It's the only word she knows.

Ladies and gentlemen, Jennifer Lopez this week we read true love by Jennifer Lopez.

By whoever wrote this book, I will say like by Jennifer Lopez is probably part of the title. Before we get into it, I guess we should do our typical. What did you know about Jennifer Lopez? Have you ever heard of her?

Okay, yes, I'd heard of Jennifer Lopez. I've always thought Jennifer Lopez was the most remarkably in the right place at the right time woman that's ever existed.

I've just felt that everything about her career is so remarkably unremarkable. There's so much that I like about it, but there's so much that if you had just inserted literally any other person there, it would have been similar, I think.

I don't think there's that much about the wedding planner that couldn't have had a different wedding planner in it.

I mean, she has some really great songs because Tommy Metola put a lot of work into making her have great songs. And I think she has some really fun movies because the industry really put a lot of work into making sure those movies were fun. It was like back in the fucking heyday of romcom.

I want to believe that these things succeeded because she's talented, but I like don't think that she is beautiful. She is so beautiful and she is a great dancer.

She is truly beautiful in a way that you know, they're like, there's girl sexy and guy sexy. She is all of them. What do you know about Jennifer Lopez?

I will always know her as the woman who truly ushered in big butts to white culture in America.

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