If last night you knelt beside your bed praying to sweet baby Jesus for another bitchbible

podcast audio diary, your wishes are about to come true.

I'm Jackie Shimmel, the writer, creator and Kalanapin lover of the bitchbible, which

you can find at thebitchbible.com.

You're welcome.

It's 3.30 a.m. I'm about to head to the fucking airport and be in route to New York City,

the land of bad Jewish hair, lots of humidity, delis and pigeons, aka my nightmare.

I am going to be on watch what happened live, on bravo, with some real housewives, so I'm

freaking out, I'm really excited, I'm really, really tired and I feel, I don't know.

I feel like I need a hug and a splash of cold water, which I'm going to do right now,

before Carlos gets here.

Carlos is the driver, I need, I love him.

Now I'm sprawled in the back of an escalade with my sunglasses on at 4am, looking like

straight up douchebag because that's what you do when you go to the airport really early

and you want to avoid making eye contact with small children.

Me and Carlos, the driver, clearly have a lot of sexual attention.

I've asked him four questions, he's not responding and I think he loves me.

There is literally nothing more humbling than having to pop out your new weave and put

it through the TSA checkpoint scanner.

Apparently the metal brackets were setting off some detectors and I mean I'm not like

a ratchet beach so it's not some Jessica Simpson clip-in situation.

It's made for me, it's matched to my hair and I was so embarrassed I had to literally

...