What's up bitches, I'm Jackie Shimmel, writer and creator of The Bitch Bible, which you

can find at thebitchbibled.com, read it, love it, subscribe, share. For those of you who

don't know me, my favorite things include the following. A crunchy, blooming onion from

the Outback Steakhouse, if you haven't tried one, you're not living. Daytime sequins, obviously.

A perfectly chilled, dirty martini, and practicing psychiatry on friends and family without a license.

I like to think everyone deserves a super bitchie, brutally honest, best friend to give you

authentic and very unbiased advice in your life. I'm the girl that tells her friends of something

makes them look fat. If their boyfriend has the aura of a rapist, or if they are one DIY craft

from being a complete fucking loser, I'm talking to you, Emily. It's not always rose petals and sunshine,

but it's real as fuck. Today, I am opening my services to the public. I'm wearing prescription

glasses, have my hair in a bun, and a refill of Xanax in my Prada Bag. Dr. Shimmel is in the

motherfucking building, bitches. So let's get it pop in. Now go do the right thing. I hope

somebody gets that. It's a Dr. Laura reference. If you don't, Google it. All right, let's get these

collars. Okay, I'm so excited. We have our first collar. High collar. What's your name?

Hi, Anna. Hi, Anna. Thanks for calling. Yeah. I'm so excited. So what's your what's your problem?

Pregoontak. So I just got out of a four and a half year's relationship and it's been a couple

months, but I was just wondering like, when do you think it's appropriate for me to just like start

actually like going out on dates again? Oh, I was in a very long relationship and I

four years actually and I started dating probably I think like four months after, but only when

you can like sever ties with the person that you've been dating. Like if you still see a picture

of him and break down like into an ugly cry in the fetal position, you're probably not ready to

move forward. But I think that once you can kind of like get all the ugly cries and the binge

...