Hello there podcast chums.

You are listening to the Love Life podcast with your host Stephen Hussie which is I and well today we are going to talk about

deal breakers in a relationship and figuring out when is the time to call it quits and decide that a certain

behavior is something you can no longer put up with that you can no longer deal with in a long term relationship.

And I love this topic because I know the agony that so many people, I mean including myself in the past have gone through trying to figure out if you're with someone who checks 80% of your boxes

but there's a certain 20% that really bothers you or even a certain 10% agonizing back and forth saying should I should I just grip my teeth and bear this behavior should I try and hope that it changes how do I decide what my

limits are because it's very easy to say that we should have standards in our relationships but then when it comes time to actually apply them to actually say well I'm you know we have to say well I'm not going to get someone who's

perfect so there's going to be some things about my partner that I compromise on but which of those should they be and when is a behavior that's causing you pain something that you should

say enough I can't deal with this anymore and so much of this what I love that Matt brings out in this clip I'm going to jump to is the fact that so much of figuring out your position on this is asking better questions just getting the clarity of asking the right

questions to yourself can sometimes be like a bolt of lightning you know I remember there was a book that I found really powerful on deciding whether or not to leave a particular

relationship and it was called too good to leave too bad to stay it was by Mira Kirshenbaum and I remember there's just a lot of different

clarifying questions in that book one of the ones I remember she mentions is about how difficult or easy it is to get your needs met in this relationship

and even just a clarity of realizing how difficult is it to get my core needs met in my relationship and anytime I assert my needs does it lead to a big

argument and a big blow up does it suddenly feel like I'm walking on eggshells like I can't express myself honestly without my partner suddenly lashing out of me all these questions can just really cut to the essence and be very clarifying of the kind of thing you need to be thinking about and whether you

should tolerate a particular behavior so I will pass over to Matthew and just before I do that Matthew does mention a link to our virtual our upcoming virtual retreat which is coming up very soon

next month in October and if you want to do that claim your spot and hit reset on this year and really get yourself on course for 2021 the link that Matt gives is

mh virtual retreat dot com that's mh virtual retreat dot com so when he mentions that in the video he says about the link that's the link mh virtual retreat dot com and hopefully we will see you there

all right that is it from me today I will see you very soon over to Matthew I was recently told a story by a client who was having a massive fight with her boyfriend over the fact that he was texting another woman

consistently who he'd met not so long ago and he said was a friend and wanted her to be okay with it this created a massive rift in their relationship

it's very easy of course for us on the outside to look at that and go oh my god she's being daft if she puts up with that but of course in a relationship everyone has different rules don't they people have different boundaries one person could say it should be no problem for him to have friends of the opposite sex and to be texting them regularly

another person might say that's disrespectful for the relationship and opens the door to either a real threat or at the very least is not a nice thing to do to his partner sometimes arguing about what's right or wrong adds too much complexity to a situation

what we can do instead is number one return to our own truth is this right for me rather than judging that person and saying they're objectively a bad human being

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