Although it might not necessarily look like a cycle, emotional abuse shows up in patterns. If you know what to look for, understanding the cycle of abuse can help you understand your situation.



"I felt like something was off...but I didn't know what to look for."



Elizabeth, like many victims of hidden abuse, felt unsettled early on in the relationship. But she didn't have the language or professional support to identify that her abusive husband was putting her through the devastating cycle of abuse. Tune in and read the full transcript below for more.




This episode is Part 1 of Anne's interview with Elizabeth.Part 1: Is The Cycle of Abuse a Myth? (this episode)Part 2: How to Set Boundaries in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship




The Cycle of Abuse Makes You Feel Crazy



Like many women, Elizabeth sought professional help early on in her marriage because she felt crazy in her relationship. If you are feeling crazy in your relationship, please know that gaslighting, blame-shifting, secret intimate betrayal (including porn use), and sexual coercion are abuse issues and must be treated as such.



Understanding the cycle of abuse can help you identify what's really going on, early on.



What is the Cycle of Abuse?







The Cycle of Abuse Consists of Four Main Phases:




* Grooming: this phase is often called love-bombing. We also refer to it as "manipulative kindness". This phase can last minutes, hours, days, weeks, years, or in some cases, decades. Abusers groom victims by presenting whatever version of themselves seems most safe, secure, "attachable", and healthy to you.



* Tension: this phase is often very painful for victims. Women experiencing abusive tension often blame themselves, feeling responsible for the abuser's neglect and verbal abuse - because it's starkly different from the grooming behaviors that the abuser used to manipulate them into the relationship.



* Action: the action phase is unique to each abuser, but consists of the harmful behaviors that constitute hidden abuse, including: gaslighting, manipulation, intimate betrayal, financial betrayal, etc.



* Denial: women are often on the cusp of setting safety boundaries, including separation or divorce, during the denial phase. Abusers use gaslighting, manipulation, and blame-shifting, to "erase" the harmful behaviors of the cycles before - but often, victims come to a place where they're simply done with the pain and confusion of hidden abuse. Tragically, this is also the phase where abusers tap into a deeper level of manipulation and coax the victim into the grooming phase, where the cycle starts all over again.










BTR.ORG Is Here For You



The good news is that many, many victims are identifying the cycle of abuse in their relationships, earlier and earlier.



If you're realizing, maybe for the first time, that you're experiencing emotional abuse, please know that you are not alone. Consider attending a BTR.ORG Group Session today.



Full Transcript:



Anne (00:01):Welcome to BTR.ORG. This is Anne.



We have a member of our community on today's episode. Her name is Elizabeth and she is going to share her story. Welcome, Elizabeth.



Elizabeth (01:34):Thank you.



Anne (01:35):She's been a