In the aftermath of an abusive marriage, many victims still have to work toward physical safety - but after physical safety has been achieved, there is a spectrum of emotions to process.

Vicki is on The BTR.ORG Podcast in the final installment of her three-part interview, sharing her joys, insecurities, fears, and hopes in the aftermath of her thirty-year abusive marriage. Tune in to the podcast and read the full transcript below.
This episode is Part 3 of Anne's interview with Vicki.
Part 1: Walking Away After 30 Years of Narcissistic Abuse
Part 2: This is How You Know It's Time To Leave
Part 3: Here Are My Emotions in the Aftermath of Abuse (this episode)
But I'm Safe Now - Shouldn't I Be Happy All The Time?
Many victims experience a level of guilt or frustration with themselves for feeling negative emotions after they've achieved a level of physical safety, post-divorce. It can be helpful to understand that all emotions simply are - they're not good or bad. So when you experience things like:

* Fear
* Frustration
* A lack of desire for relationships
* Apathy
* Anger
* Grief

Understand that you are normal - these emotions are part of the healing experience.
"It's okay. There's nothing wrong with you. You are healing."

Anne Blythe, Founder of BTR.ORG



BTR.ORG Is Here For You
For many women in our community, it can be difficult to articulate the complexities of the many levels of healing to someone who has not experienced covert abuse. Consider attending a BTR.ORG Group Session today so that you can process your experience with other women who understand.
Full Transcript:
Anne (00:01):
Welcome to BTR.ORG. This is Anne.

Today we have Vicki back on the podcast today. She's been with us the last two episodes, so if you haven't heard the beginning or middle of her story, go there first, listen and then join us here. Let's just jump right into the conversation. Where are you in the journey to safety right now?
"There's nothing wrong with you. You are healing."
Vicki (01:44):
Well, physically safe. Yes, emotionally still struggling and it has very much so affected my ability to have relationships with other people. I don't date at all. As far as being able to have a bonded relationship where we go hang out, we will call each other up and just be besties. No, I haven't been able to do a thing like that.

Anne (02:15):
It's okay. There's nothing wrong with you. You are healing. I don't date and there's nothing wrong with me. If I were unquote better, I still wouldn't date because dating's dumb. There's nothing wrong with you. I bet it will come with time.

Vicki (02:34):
I did, of course, BTR group.

Anne (02:37):
Vicki, if you could go back and talk to your younger self, maybe you at like 16, what would you tell her?
"If something feels off, assume it is."
Vicki (02:45):
I would definitely say if something feels off, assume it is and do not let what someone says dismiss something that feels off, because every time I would express something being off, there would always be this perfect little explanation that was, I feel like rehearsed just in case, and so I would dismiss it. I would just teach a 16-year-old self. Just go with what you're feeling. If it feels off, it is. And then the other thing I would teach them is we teach people how to treat us by what we tolerate. The most important thing that I learned was it is not compassion to provide a convenient environment for someone...